Speaker 1: 0:00

Pain and suffering are always inevitable. For a large intelligence and a deep heart, the really great men must, I think, have great sadness on this earth. That's a quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky. He spent most of his life during the mid-1800s in Russia exploring the state of the human condition. Mid-1800s in Russia, exploring the state of the human condition.

Speaker 1: 0:28

He wrote books that are well known around the world, like Crime and Punishment, the Idiot Notes from the Underground, just to name a few. His writings asked deep questions of individual and social existence as a whole. He demonstrated a keen insight and acute awareness of the struggle between faith and rationality, good and evil, poverty and privilege. He asked people to confront the moral gray areas of their own decisions and to contemplate the broader social implications. Now you might be wondering why are we talking about Russian philosophy in a murder story? Well, dostoevsky's writings ask us to use higher level thinking. So, in order to understand one thing, we must first understand what caused that to begin with, and what caused that and what caused that and so on. Really get into the layers of empathy, cause and effect.

Speaker 1: 1:30

When I first spoke with Malachi, he actually thought it would be most interesting to tell me about his days working as a mail stripper.

Speaker 1: 1:38

But then he kind of casually mentioned the murder on Skid Row and told me that story, and I knew that that is where we had to start, why it's worth asking ourselves what is it that makes us the most human? Is it our physical nature, our accomplishments, or is it maybe our flaws? In the last episode, the horrific story that Malachi recounted for us begs us to question. Is humanity just totally absent in places like Skid Row? Or perhaps is it so unconcealed, stripped of any embellishment, that it's become unrecognizable and therefore terrifies the hell out of the rest of us? We look at their struggle and their pain and think, man, I'm glad that's not my life, and then we can simply just turn away from it like a bad car accident. When or how do we try to understand why these things happen to people? But here we've got the opportunity to talk with someone who's not only lived it but has survived it and has seemingly gained almost an uncanny amount of wisdom in the process, wisdom in the process.

Speaker 2: 3:07

Hey Matt, how are you?

Speaker 1: 3:08

I'm good man. I'm glad we finally got a chance to talk. I know we've had some things going on and you've had some things going on, but I'm glad we got to connect.

Speaker 2: 3:19

Yeah, life is up and down, isn't it?

Speaker 1: 3:21

It sure is, man, how you been up and down, isn't it? It sure is man, how you been. The first time I set up a recorded interview with Malachi, hoping to get that Skid Row story, he was kind of coming off a rough week and almost didn't take my call. However he did. Only he really wasn't in the mood to discuss the murder story. Instead, what happened was kind of a meandering conversation that I began to realize was peeling back, layer after layer, of a person whose mind had a lot to offer, a person who's endured a lifetime of struggle and has brought with him, through it all, wisdom, reflection and, unfortunately, self-torment.

Speaker 2: 4:04

From the Redacted Podcast I'm Matt Bender and this is Murdering Malachi, episode 2, misfit Manifesto uh, just exiting um, a very, very unexpected or kind of not unexpected, because the unexpected is expected in my life. It's very, very bad down didn't see that one coming, at least not to the degree that it went, and I'm just like really honored today. So I'm still processing, still in me, while I survived, still in me what the hell I was thinking still in me, damn, we don't listen again, kind of you know, like just everything I mean, I don't know what you had going on exactly, but Typical self-destructive behavior.

Speaker 2: 5:08

I just want good things.

Speaker 1: 5:10

I am one dark-ass, broken mother effer, but from that darkness comes the light right, because we appreciate it the most. Yeah, I feel you there and it's you know. Stress and problems and things like that are. I feel like they're only as big as the biggest thing you've ever faced, Like a monster is only as scary as the scariest monster you've ever faced, and the scarier the monsters you've fought in life, the bigger one it takes to scare you, to break you, the bigger one it takes to scare you, to break you.

Speaker 2: 5:46

I get that concept and that's a positive concept. It's just for me being so far along the journey. Here's the thing. That concept is good, but it reminds me of one I hate, I hate, I hate, I hate, I hate. If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger.

Speaker 1: 6:08

Okay, why do you hate that one?

Speaker 2: 6:11

Tell that to everyone in the homeless shelters, in the rehabs, in the psych wards, in the jail cells, who will never make it back from that thing that broke them. Sometimes that biggest monster takes so much out of you, the little one now terrifies you. I get the idea of the biggest monster, you know nothing, and I'm not mad at that one because it's a good mindset to go in, thinking well, I've conquered that one, I can conquer this one For me. I think of what was left after the biggest monster.

Speaker 1: 6:50

Like the trauma, the PTSD.

Speaker 2: 6:53

The damage anything. I mean fight fan here Some fighters. They'd never come back from that one fight. They may have won it, but they were never the same again.

Speaker 1: 7:03

No, that's a good way to put it. Maybe it's like your problems are only as big as your biggest problem.

Speaker 2: 7:09

Same thing, different world.

Speaker 1: 7:12

Like if I think when I was in Afghanistan, the problems we have sometimes here seem small, especially with the younger generation. When you go over to third world country or a very impoverished area, they're just worried about you know, food and clean water, a nice place to live, that you know your best friend. Not talking to you wouldn't be as traumatic.

Speaker 2: 7:37

And hearing you say that, the phrase that popped in my head like I'm hearing you, and the thought that I got was are you looking at problems and wanting to see them smaller or wanting to see them bigger? That really will solve a lot of issues. You bring up another thing. I'm sorry, I hate a lot of things.

Speaker 1: 8:00

No go for it.

Speaker 2: 8:02

But it's because I'm a damage surveyor. It's just me. Naturally, I look at shit and I'm like what damage is that doing today? Just me. This is what my mind thinks. I have no idea where I was just going. The damage I'm recovering Today is the perfect timing. Good catch I get it I am the damage.

Speaker 1: 8:28

You got it.

Speaker 2: 8:30

God, what was that? I just completely blanked out. That's going to happen today.

Speaker 1: 8:36

I gave Malachi a minute to collect himself and he told me that his rough week pretty much took him out of communication with anyone for a few days. I didn't really press him to share what happened, but you can kind of assume that the self-destructive behavior that he mentioned resulted in regret and a day of just trying to put the broken pieces back together enough to function. We've all been there in our own way, but I think only a small portion of us actually reflect on the mistakes to such a level that it makes us feel like merely continuing to exist is, in and of itself, both our punishment for messing up as well as our motivation to keep going. As Dostoevsky puts it, the mystery of human existence lies just not in staying alive, but in finding something to live for.

Speaker 2: 9:33

You're fucking a failure, Like that's just sad.

Speaker 1: 9:39

You're good at some things, not good at others. It depends what you're measuring success and failure by. I'm a failure, I mean you don't know. It depends on your measurement tool. I think people jump to money as a measuring stick so quickly and I think that's one of the worst.

Speaker 2: 10:01

I mean in the sense of am I even technically take care of myself right now? Technically, no, I don't know that I ever really truly have for long periods of time being self-sufficient to me and having enough for, say, an emergency for yourself or someone else. As far as money success that's fine, just being able to pay your own damn way and whatever that means for you means for you. So money isn't necessarily a measuring of success to me. So I grew up half the time in a black ghetto, another half the time with rich white millionaires. So when was that Philadelphia?

Speaker 1: 10:49

Philadelphia. Okay, that makes sense.

Speaker 2: 10:52

So yeah, I was. That was never a parameter for me. Accomplishing things in life, maintaining a certain stability, something where you can hang your hat on and say, hey, you know what? I did this, I achieved this, I maintained this. It was a positive thing, any semblance of just being able to care for yourself and, in my mind, give back. I don't know if I've always thought that way. I know I was raised that way and maybe I finally thought up.

Speaker 1: 11:27

Don't let us forget that the causes of human actions are usually immeasurably more complex and varied than our subsequent explanations of them.

Speaker 1: 11:37

That's another quote by Dostoevsky. The very first time I spoke with Malachi, it was just to kind of connect and see what the story and the show was going to be about. The conversation wasn't recorded, unfortunately, but while we were speaking we got interrupted by this woman who came to Malachi's car window asking him for money. He seemed to know her and I could overhear him asking her if she had any drugs. And I could overhear him asking her if she had any drugs. She said no and then he told her okay, I was just testing you. And then he gave her some money. I found this really interesting, because not only did he not know for sure what she needed the money for Malachi himself doesn't really have a lot to offer as far as money Yet he didn't even hesitate to give what he could to do what he could for that woman. So during this conversation I reminded him about that event and I just kind of asked him why he did what he did.

Speaker 2: 12:45

That's a conscious choice on my part that for whatever reason I'm not sure why, but I will give her a few dollars and whatever she uses it for, she uses it for. She might think I'm a sucker, I don't know. I just have to go on faith on that one. For whatever reason, I've been touched to give her a couple dollars. You know, see, or buy her, you know, a soda or something you know I have. No, I have no delusions of I'm saving her or saving the world or making much of a difference of anything. I, you know, I might be being stupid, I may, I may be having no effect on her whatsoever than just being another, another boy to her, but this is one of those ones where I just do.

Speaker 1: 13:30

It touched me. I mean just listening to it. It was just kind of strange in the middle of our conversation I just get a kind of I don't know eavesdrop in on this and I know a lot of people probably would have just shoot her away.

Speaker 2: 13:45

I will feed, not everybody, not often, but again, when it touches me, I will feed. I've grown into the understanding of food being a right. I think everyone, especially in the world, their force of living that's overpopulated as it is and resources or just're forced to live in it's overpopulated as it is and resources are, you know just this existence we live in. I think everyone should have a free meal every day. Now does that mean you get steak and I get steak? No, it means I get the basic little food, hash or whatever. And if you want something extra, you go, then you go work. Want something extra? You go, then you go work. But basic survival food, a meal. Everyone has a right to eat because we've taken that right away.

Speaker 1: 14:33

Yeah, I agree with you completely, and I mean we produce plenty of food to feed everybody.

Speaker 2: 14:42

Just go to a McDonald's dumpster. Every day, plenty of food to feed everybody.

Speaker 1: 14:44

Just go to a McDonald's dumpster every day yeah, that always breaks my heart a little, that. And grocery stores you know all the stuff they throw out Just seems like such a waste.

Speaker 2: 14:54

I was raised by a woman who lived that Like I would come home and the black girl where I was was chased home every day. And I'd walk up to my, my house, and there's two kids sitting at the table eating. I'm pretty sure I didn't say it this way. This is how my mind thought it. I'm sure it came out my mouth a whole lot different. But yo, that's how these two kids don't hear.

Speaker 1: 15:22

This mother effer, is chasing me home.

Speaker 2: 15:25

Now, I didn't say it like that to her, but that was the feeling. However, I actually said it.

Speaker 1: 15:32

This was your mom.

Speaker 2: 15:35

My foster mom. A little old black woman, a little old black woman, originally one of those big mamas, except she was five feet tall, so she wasn't physically big, but she was the big mama stereotype.

Speaker 1: 15:46

Big mama personality right.

Speaker 2: 15:49

No, no, big mama in the sense. Well, that's one of the stereotypes, right? Big mama sometimes is seen as this gregarious big person. But Big Mama is also referred to as the glue, as the cornerstone, as the old sage. Okay, as when she's gone, the family disappears. It happened to ours, it happened to hers. Once she died, the whole family, just whoop, it was over. So she just looked at me like you got to learn to forgive. And I'm like like, again, this is my translation. What's the talk about forgive? She says they're just hungry, they're hurting, they got nobody to love them. Just try to forgive them and let me have a sandwich. At the time I'm like, what the fuck is you? Years later, it's like oh no, you get it right. No, hell, yeah, now, now I understand it. I'm still not real good at the forgiving part, but I also understand that most people's definition. Well, I guess I am good at the forgiving, not the forgetting. Unfortunately, a lot of people get those two things mixed up.

Speaker 1: 17:15

So which do you believe in and why do you believe they're different?

Speaker 2: 17:17

Forgiving is taking it off of yourself. Maybe. Forgiving means I don't kick your ass. That's it. That's all it means. It does not mean I let you come back in my house. It does not mean I stay married to you If I cheat on you, if you cheat on me. It does not. It does not mean I give you the opportunity to do the same damn thing you did the first time. That's where people get it next up. So that's the forget part. That's the forget part.

Speaker 1: 17:44

You don't, you don't necessarily buy in with the forget part.

Speaker 2: 17:47

Why I am an absolute scientist. Hear me out. I am a scientist when it comes to hurting me. Why would I let an amateur?

Speaker 1: 18:05

do it. That's a good way to put that. You're a pro, is what you're saying. You can fuck yourself up more than anyone else could.

Speaker 2: 18:15

In ways that would make Satan go damn. I got to write that one down.

Speaker 1: 18:22

Yeah, I'm good, that was good, at least you got humor about it.

Speaker 2: 18:25

It you gotta laugh at some shit like that damn, that was perfect timing. Shit, god damn, that was perfect timing so you're like a. A self-sabotager is what you're saying I bit a hole into my mouth. Fuck that hurt, Holy shit that hurt.

Speaker 1: 18:51

Did you really just bite yourself?

Speaker 2: 18:54

Yes, no, but see, my teeth are bad. They're claws now, they're from grinding. I've got fangs, so when I bit my mouth, I fucking bit my mouth.

Speaker 1: 19:02

Oh shit, you need a minute Plus. I fucking bit my mouth.

Speaker 2: 19:06

Oh shit, you need a minute Plus. I'm real sensitive today, you know, normally I could take some shit, but today I'm, you know, I'm coming back and I'm like I'm feeling everything.

Speaker 1: 19:15

Another quote by Dostoevsky is Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish between the truth within him, around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others, and, having no respect, he ceases to love. Malachi is someone who doesn't seem to lie to himself, not anymore at least. He seems to feel and understand his own self-inflicted wounds better than probably anyone else I've ever met, and I think that's what keeps him moving forward, even if there are a few steps backwards from time to time. However, as we kind of started into the topic of addiction and he went on to explain the type of addict he has been.

Speaker 2: 20:14

It was during this conversation that I believe another new notch on the wisdom belt was achieved for Malachi. I hadn't become that type of darkness ever. I mean, yeah, I stole some money. Okay, but that's more of addiction than darkness. You know what addict hasn't stolen some money? You know I kind of, if you haven't stolen some money, you're not really an addict. You're not an addict if you haven't crossed the line on some level. But there's a difference between doing wrong and being wrong.

Speaker 1: 20:38

I've heard addiction defined really accurately about like it's not how much you're consuming, it's not you know how many drinks, how many times you need to use crack, how many times you're you're shooting up. It's not so much that, it's more of like what are you willing to give up, what are you willing to do? And that's seems to be the more accurate definition of addiction. It's like, okay, how many levels down am I and what will I do? What will I give up? Who will I hurt?

Speaker 2: 21:15

And that's true. How much control does it have over you Like? For me, we can imagine. On some levels I did some things to degrade myself and for to feed the addiction, but to also feed my mental illness. As far as hurting other people like I stole um, and and and I, I fell really far, but my biggest thing was just lying. What was a good fucking liar? This is how good a liar I was, and I hate if I hate, take pride in this, but it's the truth.

Speaker 2: 21:47

It was one o'clock in the afternoon. I'd been getting high for three days straight. Walked up to a bus stop, I gave my spiel to some white woman, late 30s, waiting for the bus. Gave my little spiel. Mind you, I've been getting high for like two, three days now. Okay, I mean up the whole time. So only know, imagine what I could look like.

Speaker 2: 22:09

Gave my spiel to this woman and he gave me like 20, 40 bucks right At the end of her, giving me the money. She said she thanked me. She said, look, I've been wanting to help people but I never trust them. I never. I'd be scared to. But I can tell that you're trustworthy and I can tell that this is going to a good thing because I'm a drug counselor oh geez. On my way to work as a drug counselor, oh geez. And it feels good to be able to give someone this money that's actually going to help them get wherever they got to go, or whatever story I told her, and not have to worry about it being used for drugs. That's how fucking good a liar I was.

Speaker 1: 22:56

Fuck man. How'd that feel?

Speaker 2: 22:59

Listen. It felt like dirt then, but it felt even worse when she saw me a few days later doing the same thing. In her heart it was dropping for her soul, oh fuck.

Speaker 1: 23:09

That was when.

Speaker 2: 23:10

I felt. I don't know if it was a few days later or a couple weeks later, whenever it was she saw me doing the same thing and I could literally see her soul die.

Speaker 1: 23:23

Like feel like you turned someone off from being a helper.

Speaker 2: 23:28

That hurt? Yeah, that hurt. I mean I still feel that Like I felt like I just took the biggest butcher knife you can imagine, put some salt and some alcohol on the tip and then stabbed her in the heart with it. She was a drug counselor, so she thought she knew better. She was a drug counselor, put some salt and some alcohol on the tip and then stabbed her in the heart with it.

Speaker 1: 23:45

And she, she was a drug counselor, so she thought she knew yeah, yeah, that's fucked up, man, yeah, it's like small and subtle, but at the same time, when you really think about it, that's, that's a, that's a dig.

Speaker 2: 24:04

You know what. You're giving me a realization that I think I've probably avoided. I don't think I need any more reasons to hate myself. You're talking about a grade A premier self-hater. It's astounding the dual existence I live in. But you've given me something that I really need to look at is that I used to have this hierarchy of badness and I always placed myself, even though I hate myself, I sort of placed myself as I wasn't as bad as them. I wasn't as bad as the crackhead who stabbed someone in the head with a pencil without you know a saw. I wasn't as bad as the crackhead who I had to physically stop from mugging some young 20-year-old girl. I wasn't the crackhead who I saw, like breaking someone's car and rummaging around and causing all this damage hoping to find $5. That is hierarchy where I wasn't that kind of demonic person. But you just I don't know if it reminded me or helped me a lot that I was actually worse because I didn't break property.

Speaker 1: 25:05

I broke gold. I mean just thinking about it too. Would you have rather just robbed her?

Speaker 2: 25:11

that's now you come into. Now we're going into a deeper question now. Now you make me think about this. Let me see if I can formulate and verbalize this question the right way. Okay, would you have rather done more damage, or would you have rather been a worse person? That's a deep one, isn't that? Yeah, that's kind of basically what you just asked, which is one hell of a deep, fucking. Sorry for cursing. That's a deep question. Damn, that one got me. Would you have rather done more damage or been a worse person?

Speaker 2: 25:50

like if you robbed her and then that's what she expected, like that's what was yeah, yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking, that when you put the words on my mind, if you're robbed, or she expected to, a crackhead was being a crackhead. But you know, he just shattered my whole faith in fucking freaking humanity. Boy, that's kind of like a presidential election One's doing more damage and one's the worst person. Hold on, let me pull over into the street. The sun just moved. I gotcha, where is?

Speaker 1: 26:25

it. Let me pull over into the shade. The sun just moved. I gotcha.

Speaker 2: 26:28

Where is it? Let me get behind it wherever it is. Oh, where it is, I don't know where the sun is. I know it's in the sky somewhere, just I'm missing it. Where the fuck is it? Oh Lord, here it is. Hold on. Sorry, I'm trying not to hit nothing. Oh shit you okay, yeah. I'm good. It's just a very tight place to start going around in and I have a suburban heater.

Speaker 1: 27:00

That question would I rather do more damage or be a worse person? I think Malachi originally believed that because he didn't mug the woman or do any physical harm to her, that made his actions harmless compared to others who go around breaking into property or attacking people for money. But realizing that it became her soul that was broken, her faith in humanity that was shattered, seemed to hit harder than if he just mugged her. Living with that has to be tough. Another Dostoevsky quote for you the man who has a conscience suffers whilst acknowledging his sin. Who has a conscience suffers whilst acknowledging his sin. That is his punishment.

Speaker 1: 27:52

However, isn't it our conscience that helps us learn self-reflection and strive to do better? How many people walk around every day without one? Do we even notice if we're not causing physical damage to the world like in an obvious criminal manner, or should we look a little closer? So I think that's the big difference in you is yeah, you've done some fucked up things, but you own it and you're extremely reflective about it. You beat yourself up and that's admirable. I mean, god, if you could get people to just admit they're wrong. It's like one of the hardest things to do is to get someone to say, yeah, I'm fucked up or I messed up it's painful because we also live in a world where, because of the internet, image is identity.

Speaker 2: 28:57

It feeds the evil that wokeism has become, and this is what I mean by this my definition of wokeism not what it started out to be, because it was a good idea, but what it's transformed into is I'm a good person and I don't care who I have to destroy to prove it. We're living in a society ruled by the ultimate goal is to be perceived as good. I despise it because it's the most insidious, dangerous mass manipulation this world has. Let's go back to make it very clear so people understand what's going on. If I tell you you're a good person for hating Jews, you're a good person because you love your country, you love your society, you love your children and you want the best for your family, and the best is to get rid of those demonic Jews who are destroying everything. And that makes you a good person. Yeah, guess what that happened in real life. And what was it? That was World War II. What was it?

Speaker 1: 30:13

That was Nazi Germany.

Speaker 2: 30:15

And that's exactly what happened, and that's exactly what's happening now.

Speaker 1: 30:21

Well, and that's people, that's other people telling you who the bad guy is, and that's not you thinking for yourself.

Speaker 2: 30:32

If you support that, you're good. If I tell you pornography in grade school is a good thing, and if you support that because, for whatever twisted reason that they've decided that's good and if you don't support it, you're a homophobe, it's actually happening. I follow a group called Gays Against Groomers. I think it's the greatest group ever, because they've gotten out there and they said fuck you. Pedophilia has nothing to do with being gay. Stop using us. Stop using us and they fight and they fight against it and it's just to. To me, it's absolutely like unreal, as I've watched these people defend this shit and I'm like how are you defending books in fifth grade libraries that say I sucked his dick and he put it in my ass and it felt good? How are you defending this? Yeah, because someone told you if you defend it, you're a good person and if you don't, you're bad it's not thinking for yourself, it's being told who the bad guy is the thing is, how are they making you not think for yourself?

Speaker 2: 31:41

because they've went to the one thing. They use the one tool that everybody wants and that can usurp everything else. Watch this your wife left you. You barely see your kids. You're working a nine-to-five job that you hate and you're barely surviving. You can't get laid. You're middle-aged, you're fluffy, you're balding, or you're the housewife.

Speaker 2: 32:15

They're the most dangerous ones. They could be demonic. You're the middle-aged woman. Let's think about this for a second. Let's think about why they're so dangerous. You're the middle-aged white woman who is no longer the beauty queen, who has been told her whole life her looks are what matter and the looks are gone. 20 years being a wife, being a mother, maybe being an employee, but she has disappeared. She doesn't exist anymore. And all of a sudden, you come along and you tell her you exist. If you believe this, that woman you once were is back. You matter. If you believe this, you no longer have to be invisible. If you believe this, them bitches will do anything just to not go back to being just John's wife, just Cindy's mother. They will do anything not to be invisible anymore.

Speaker 1: 33:36

Never heard it put like that and you think that that's what's at the heart of the woke movement.

Speaker 2: 33:43

The foundation is giving people a voice, giving people an identity. We live in a world of invisible. We live in a world of people posting the fact that they just took a shit, just so someone knows they exist, and now they have a devil woman's back.

Speaker 1: 34:03

Did you hear that? I hear something yeah.

Speaker 2: 34:07

So she said so. She said it's my birthday, be nice. I'm right now just saying things. She said well, stay away. Actually, I've had a great day and I don't want to ruin it, so just stay away. I haven't said a word to her. I'm sitting here minding my own damn business.

Speaker 1: 34:21

You heard that right? I heard something. I couldn't tell what she was saying.

Speaker 2: 34:25

I'm sitting here minding my own damn business.

Speaker 1: 34:27

What are you out in your yard, or something.

Speaker 2: 34:30

I'm out by the entrance. I left the front part of the barn because I thought she might be down there and the demon found me.

Speaker 1: 34:38

She's chasing you around.

Speaker 2: 34:40

Well, they're coming in. I didn't know they were gone. I thought it was quiet. He says to me it's my birthday, be nice. And she goes. Well, in fact, stay away, don't say anything. And I'm thinking to myself all I ever want to do is stay away from you. You find me. Actually, it was a perfect example of the middle-aged, fat, invisible woman who needs to be seen. I'm sitting here minding my own business, having a conversation with you. They pull up. She could have just kept moving. She could have just ignored me, she could have just drove right by, but she had to make sure her presence was seen. That was the perfect demonstration of the message. And she is super, super float. There is a perfect example.

Speaker 2: 35:27

Couldn't have wrote the script any better. Well, what do you mean? That they're invisible and they want to be seen? There you go. It was a perfect example, mitch. You could have just drove right by. You didn't have to say a word to me.

Speaker 2: 35:42

Actually, I'm on the phone. A reasonable adult would have said he's on the phone. My phone is in my hand. You can see that I pulled off to the side somewhere, like I'm by the entrance. I pulled off away from the house. I thought they. I didn't realize they had left. I thought they were there. So I feel like let me pull off all the way.

Speaker 2: 35:59

You can see that I've pulled away from the house. I'm all the way by the entrance trying to talk on the phone in a private place. I am doing what a decent human being does. Let me not have my conversation. You know be interfering with your space, right? That's what a decent human being does, which almost no one thinks of anymore. I said let my presence not interfere with yours. Let me go over here. So she could have just drove right by, but, being the woke, fat, middle-aged, plain, invisible white woman that she is, he had to make her presence felt and she says here's the irony, right. She says don't ruin my day, which, by saying it, you've actually ruined my day by putting negativity on me. Leave me the fuck alone. I've told her time and time again Just leave me alone. If I don't say hello to her, she gets mad. If you don't want me to ruin your day, then why do you want me to wave at you?

Speaker 1: 37:03

Is this like your neighbor, or something?

Speaker 2: 37:06

They own the property that I rent a small space on. They're in the. Is this like your neighbor or something? They own the property that I rent a small space on. Oh, okay, I gotcha. So like they're in the big house and I'm in my camper off to the side, he doesn't give a fuck, he's the actual property owner. She's just a bitchy fucking and he's half deaf. So he ignored. He told me a lot of times like man, I'm so tired of this chick, I wish he'd just leave this chick. I wish he'd just leave. Supposedly he's kicking her out, but she won't leave. Supposedly, that's the story. And he tells me he's a man of few words.

Speaker 2: 37:33

I thought he was the one I wouldn't get along with because I thought, well, he's this country redneck, you know, owns a bunch of guns and hunts and you know everything. That is the antithesis of. I thought like he would hate me, you know. And I thought like, because I met her first, I knew she was a little cuckoo, but I thought, well, not that big a deal. You know, no one I haven't dealt with before. I didn't know how deep that well went. I thought he was the one I was going to worry about. He actually is cool as hell. I give him his rent Every now and then he needs help lifting something because he's now you know, hey, can you lift this for me so I can fix it, no problem. And he leaves me the hell alone.

Speaker 2: 38:09

I actually get along a trillion times better with the old Republican redneck than I do, the freaking liberal coup, and honestly, I thought it would be the complete opposite. I thought he would hate me. I guess I started believing some of the press clippings that I should have known better than believing. I thought being half black, you know, and being a big city former liberal, like he would look at me like I'm still. Being a vegan, you know. I thought how was everything? He would hate he don't give a hell. And I've come to find out in society that they reverse the roles. The ones that say they will hate you are actually the ones who don't give a hell, do you? The ones that say they will hate you are actually the ones who don't give a hell. Do you Live your life? I don't care. And the ones who they say would embrace you are the ones who actually hate you.

Speaker 1: 38:53

There seems to be like people who want to control you and then people who want to be left alone, like and the headlines have convinced you.

Speaker 2: 39:05

It's the complete opposite. They've convinced you the ones who, when we're left alone, hate you, and they've convinced you that the ones who want to control you are the ones who actually like you. And it's so amazing to watch this society be controlled by this mass lie. That is the complete opposite. I was a diehard liberal for years. Die, I mean, I'm half white, half black. Raised by two gay men in the black ghetto, you better believe a Democrat flowed through my fucking blood In the last few years. I woke up and a lot of people waking up like wait a minute, there's a reason. This ghetto hasn't changed for 50 years. I go back to the place I grew up in. It's not just the same, it's worse. Something's wrong here. They've told you it's the other guys and there's actually watching this mass wake up. I'm watching this mass wake up. Where they're going.

Speaker 2: 40:05

The mass wake up now is saying, well, we're not just going to automatically join the other side, but we're definitely not just going to continue being on your side, just to be on your side, like we're weighing our options. Now there was more black support for the Republicans, and I'm not saying that's necessarily a good thing. What I'm saying, what I suggest, is what a lot of them saying is y'all got to earn this for a change, and it's not just going to be given to you. Put it this way, there's less support for the Democrats in the Black community than there has ever been in the history of America. What have you done for us? I'm not saying Republicans, necessarily, are going to do a lot, but they're more like do do you? We don't give a fuck. That's the case. Fine, at least you're not trying to discourage me.

Speaker 2: 40:53

But here's the problem. Republicans are shit when it comes to helping. So that's why I'm like I can't go full blown Republican, because if you have a problem or you're suffering in life, you're on your own, and sometimes you need your government to help. Sometimes you need your city to help, sometimes you need your city to help, and there's shit in that. There's shit in giving a helping hand. They don't give a fuck about you. So that has its own faults. That's why I can't go full-blown Republican. Here's where the danger comes in, with the Democrats and with those altruists and with those wolves you ready. They need you to stay poor so that they can continue to have a purpose and a platform. They aren't actually helping you raise up. They're helping you to continue along the same path. They're just looking like they're helping you. I'm giving you just enough to ease your hunger for today, but not enough to ease your hunger for tomorrow. So I know you have to keep coming back to me and I can keep celebrating myself for helping you.

Speaker 1: 41:59

In a lot of ways, malachi's stories teach us about not giving people what we think they need, but what they actually need. Sometimes maybe that's just a few bucks for a soda or a sandwich made with love, or for you to stay the hell away from them on their birthday. On the next episode, we travel two hours into the nether reaches of South Florida to visit Malachi at his home if that's what you'd call it and I finally get a chance to meet the man I've been talking to all this time face to face. It's definitely not what I expected. Also, we find out his horrifying origin story and have the best cup of Cuban coffee in South Florida, and we get one step closer to finally figuring out who murdered him. You won't want to miss it.

Speaker 1: 42:53

Ps. Apologies to my wife Pamela for mispronouncing Dostoevsky. I've been pronouncing it wrong for years. Old habits die hard. It's actually Da-stoyevsky. She looked it up on Google, I didn't. She's smarter, I'm not. Sorry, babe, dostoevsky. The Redacted Podcast is produced by myself, matt Bender, and my wife, pamela Bender. Make sure to go out there and give us a like, a share, share it with your friends, rate us. Every little bit helps. Thanks for tuning in.