Speaker 1: 0:00

On this episode of the redacted podcast, our guest is a former stripper or gentleman's club worker, exotic dancer, whatever you'd call it, and it was supposed to be kind of a lighthearted story, funny stories, deep dives into that world and kind of a look into it.

Speaker 1: 0:19

And it is, and there's some funny parts and lighthearted parts to it. But what I didn't understand before the interview is, you know, kind of when I asked how did you get started in this? There's a dark element to that and it does involve some domestic violence, physical abuse. So trigger warning on that if you know that's something that bothers you. And then there's a obvious trigger warning to you know, sexual content, sexual themes, things of that nature. So if any of that bothers you or offends you or you don't like listening to it, maybe this isn't the episode for you. Otherwise, sit back, relax and enjoy. Okay, thank you for joining us on the redacted podcast. Today. We have a guest here. She's been so gracious to come in. She's going to be anonymous, so we're not going to say who she is. We got Pamela back there working the soundboard and the video gadgetry. She's been sworn to secrecy. But thank you for coming in and joining us today.

Speaker 3: 2:00

Yeah, absolutely. It's a pleasure to be here.

Speaker 1: 2:02

So your thing was when you, when we first started contacting or talking with each other. That's really interesting is that you were in a bunch of work, a few of the high end strip clubs in Atlanta and you'd work there.

Speaker 3: 2:21

I wouldn't necessarily say high end, but it wasn't low end.

Speaker 1: 2:28

It was medium.

Speaker 3: 2:30

Yeah, like I was on a good medium ground, I was referred to as a baby stripper. It's when you're new and you're still learning the ropes and whatever. So it was a good place to start with that.

Speaker 1: 2:43

So like the little dollar signs on Yelp, when they say Alex, you were like a $2 sign, $3 sign, not the one, not the five.

Speaker 3: 2:53

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 2:53

Okay, Okay. So you have some stories and some really interesting things that you've seen and experienced and the perspective that you have of it, and you wanted to come share those and I think it's. I think it's super. It's an interesting subject because it's like going to a strip club. Gentlemen's club is something a lot of people have probably done at a bachelor at the time and a bachelor at party or bachelor party or just a Tuesday or just a Tuesday, and but nobody really knows, like what really happens or what it's really like or like, because when you're there you're putting on a shell.

Speaker 3: 3:39

It's an acting job.

Speaker 1: 3:40

Yeah, it's an acting job, so just kind of cool to get the real perspective. So what kind of? How did you get there, like, how did you start doing it? What made you decide that that was something you wanted to try?

Speaker 3: 3:57

So after I turned 18, I worked a serving job and there had been a girl that I'd been working with there for a couple of months and she had come in one day and was like I worked a shift last night at the strip club. Sorry, this is throwing me up. She was like I worked a shift last night at the strip club. I made so much F in money Like I don't even want to be here anymore. Like as in work. Oh geez.

Speaker 3: 4:30

She walked out in the middle of the shift and we never saw her again.

Speaker 1: 4:33

Oh shit.

Speaker 3: 4:35

And prior to that she was like this really homey person yeah, if that's the right word like she had done a lot of really cool stuff. I think she was like 20 at the time.

Speaker 3: 4:46

She like ooh, I don't know if this is too specific to who she was, but she just don't say names I lived out in like Yellowstone as a park ranger and I just done a really a lot of really cool stuff and was just cute as a button and she had, she was, she was a really sweet girl and yeah, she walked out and, in the sense of working in that restaurant, we never saw her again, never heard from her again.

Speaker 1: 5:14

It's like watching Andy Dufresne get out of Shawshank, or something.

Speaker 3: 5:18

Not familiar.

Speaker 1: 5:19

Oh okay, like he busted out, like they busted out, you're like oh shit, what's that? Was that kind of?

Speaker 3: 5:27

No, she was just there and she was like I feel like I'm losing money by being here. So that stripper mentality immediately set in with her. Okay, that was a. That's a huge mentality that that sex workers kind of developed. They're like anything that is less money than I could be making is not worth my time.

Speaker 1: 5:52

It's losing money. Yeah, it's losing money.

Speaker 3: 5:55

She's like I could be in Atlanta right now making five times this amount at least, so she just left and never came back.

Speaker 1: 6:03

What city were you in at that point?

Speaker 3: 6:05

We were.

Speaker 1: 6:06

I mean just roughly.

Speaker 3: 6:07

Yeah, we were outside of Atlanta. We were about 45 minutes outside of Atlanta, so it was like in a suburban area. It's in the metro area. Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 6:18

So that was kind of like your first inkling into like I actually know someone, I met someone, I know this person and they're. They said it's great money.

Speaker 3: 6:26

Yeah, well, I was like almost starstruck by the idea. I was like I've never even thought about like that before. Really I was like that's actually really cool. She's like I, because I think she said to me like 500 bucks and was off by eight o'clock in the afternoon. She's like I worked the day shift, made 800 bucks last night my first day and I was like that is sick.

Speaker 1: 6:46

That's the day shift, yeah day shift, yeah.

Speaker 3: 6:50

So day shift went from like eight or 11 to eight o'clock, but you or it was just kind of like whenever you want to come in, but be there by two, okay, so when I would work it, because I mostly was day shift, it was two to eight o'clock.

Speaker 1: 7:05

I've never even thought about day shift.

Speaker 3: 7:08

Not everyone has it.

Speaker 1: 7:10

And I mean we can, we can get to that part. That's kind of funny, though I've never yeah. Who's at the strip club in the middle of lunch?

Speaker 3: 7:17

Yeah, yeah, and people would come in for lunch we had a full kitchen and full bar, and on Fridays we'd set up a buffet.

Speaker 1: 7:24

A buffet at a? That seems weird too.

Speaker 3: 7:27

Oh, that was the best stir fry I've ever had in my life, I think.

Speaker 1: 7:30

So it was actually pretty decent. It was pretty decent.

Speaker 3: 7:33

Yeah, no, they had good food and people would come in and get a steak or you know, a sandwich or something and get a lap dance and go back to work or whatever.

Speaker 1: 7:43

How does your, how do you keep going with your day after that one? That's a. That's a funny thought. I've just never, because everything and everyone I've ever known, I guess I've never done it myself, or even known someone that just went in for like a lunchtime strip club, like Well, most people at the strip club is like a whole event.

Speaker 3: 8:03

It's like me and my buddy's bachelor party.

Speaker 1: 8:06

Yeah, it's like a night time. It's a night time thing.

Speaker 3: 8:09

Yeah, we're going to get hammered and go to the strip club, and there's. It's actually a vast majority of the people who come into strip clubs are regulars. That we would see at the minimum once a week. Geez. And sometimes they'd come in and spend a hundred bucks it was always at least a hundred and sometimes they'd come in and spend well into the thousands. Oh geez. Just drinks, food, private rooms, dances, stage tips, you know.

Speaker 1: 8:38

It kind of sounds like like a casino in a way. A little bit it just makes me think of it because it's like a lot of people when they go to the casino, it's just a like this is an event, we're going for a birthday party or a night out or something like that, but then, like, if you're like a regular, you're almost like just grinding it out, Just like yeah, it's like going to the casino, but you don't make your money back. No, no, well, neither one, yeah, both of them.

Speaker 3: 9:05

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 9:06

You end up a little broker, more broke, yeah, better words. So you hear about this, what do you do? Walk out go run and apply? What kind of happens next?

Speaker 3: 9:23

At the high school age that I was at, you know from the beginning. Well, it started before high school, but the entirety of my high school years I'd struggled a lot with my mental health, okay, and my self-respect and, you know, even just a firm grasp on what a normal reality is. Okay. And my perception of reality and perception of relationships was really warped and at this point in time I'd had a boyfriend quote, unquote, boyfriend who was not a good person.

Speaker 1: 10:01

What age is this?

Speaker 3: 10:04

18. I started seeing him when I was 17 and he was 19 and 20 at the time. Okay. So I was seeing this guy and he was not good to me at all. He was sleeping with multiple, multiple other women behind my back. He was very verbally abusive. He was very manipulative and eventually turned very sexually and physically abusive. Oh geez.

Speaker 3: 10:32

And so after I had graduated high school, about two weeks after I graduated, I had broken up with him because I logged into his Snapchat and the first thing that I saw was him a video of him from like the day before sleeping with my friend, and I was like what the fuck? That's dramatic and reached out, broke up with him and this man was just out of his mind. He was extremely just a bad guy. He had had multiple charges of domestic violence against women that he was in relationships with and, of course, I made him. I'm like they're lying.

Speaker 1: 11:19

I can change him.

Speaker 3: 11:20

I can fix him and I thought that I was so special and so different and these women were lying and I was completely manipulated by this person and so I'd broken up with him and he had sent his friend after me pretty much. He reached out to his friend and was like, hey, try to get her to come over, try to sleep with her, see if she does it. I want to see if she's a hoe Again. Just a really weird warped way of thinking.

Speaker 1: 11:51

That's fucked up.

Speaker 3: 11:54

And I'm 18 and I have no idea what normal people look like. In normal relationships and this age group, a lot of things are just drama, drama, drama, including your romantic relationships and friendships and your family life and things like this. So behavior to this extreme was not that big of a red flag to me, when it definitely should have been.

Speaker 1: 12:24

So your gauges are?

Speaker 3: 12:26

Way off.

Speaker 1: 12:26

Yeah, way off.

Speaker 3: 12:29

So his friend reaches out. I know exactly what he's doing. His friend, actually, I think, told me he's like this guy's trying to be weird and I was like, okay, I'll play this game, I'll come over. So I'm 18. I could just walk out of the house at that point. I turned 18. My mom was like, hey, don't be an idiot. But like you're free, you know pretty much. And I left to that guy's house around 11 o'clock at night. Go there, and he just starts telling me about oh, he's on Tinder and sleeping with all these women hitting it raw, like disgusting, like you need to go get checked. And I was like mortified, especially because at one point in our relationship he was in jail for six months and I was the only person talking to him while he was in jail because I didn't want him to be alone.

Speaker 3: 13:20

Yeah, it was, it was really twisted and he was in jail six months Like. His mom wouldn't even talk to him. His mom wouldn't even put money on his books, probably because he was a giant piece of shit and she knew that he deserved to be in there. It was for domestic violence charge against a different girl. Oh, wow.

Speaker 3: 13:40

Yeah, again, I can change him. I'm different. You know, she hit him first like whatever I was telling myself at that point. And the guy takes my phone. His friend takes my phone while I'm there, takes a picture of his own car because it's a distinct car and sends it to the ex-boyfriend and proceeded to. I mean, I might have been sexually assaulted a little bit because I was like I'm just going to fuck with the ex, like like mess with his head and his, his friend was not cool.

Speaker 3: 14:18

But so at that time my ex-boyfriend lived about an hour away from this house, maybe more, and I'm in this guy's bedroom and about 40 minutes after that picture is sent, the door to his bedroom just opens and it's him. He made it like an hour and a half drive in 40 minutes. Once he received that picture, jeez. And he was fucking livid. And he looks at me and like laughs, grabs my phone and slams it on the ground. Wow, and it like was slammed on the ground so hard it bent backwards Like it was at a perfect like what is that? 45 degree angle, pretty much. And I found out after the fact that while he was driving there he hacked into my Facebook account, took screenshots of illicit text messages that I was sending to someone. Facebook messaged them to my mother. Oh shit.

Speaker 3: 15:21

At two o'clock in the morning. My mom didn't even know I was out of the house, so she's a light sleeper. She wakes up and is getting these weird fucking messages from my account. Can't find me. I'm not answering the phone because it's bent in half. My location's off. She has no idea where I am. She's freaked out, jesus. She is horrified right now, and I think he sent her my nudes too, or something which is that's fucked up. Absolutely psychotic behavior.

Speaker 1: 15:52

Yeah, to put it lightly.

Speaker 3: 15:54

Yeah, so he basically keeps me trapped with him for the next couple of hours up until the sun comes up. And I think it's kind of important to mention here that there's no drugs or alcohol involved in any of this part of my life.

Speaker 1: 16:12

For you.

Speaker 3: 16:13

For me at least. I don't know about him, but yeah, this was all sober and it's like being trapped late all night. My mom can't get ahold of me. She doesn't know where I am. She's about to call the police they could have been like fucking kidnapped or something. And he goes. He takes me to the store. He's like crying and apologetic. He buys me a new phone. I get on it. The first thing I do is text my mom. I'm like hey, I'm alive.

Speaker 3: 16:44

I didn't know then that he had sent her anything from my Facebook also. So she calls me and she's like where are you? And I was like I'm getting taken home. Right now I'm getting taken home, so I drive myself home or I was getting taken back to my car, I bet. I drive myself home and both my parents are just mortified and they don't know where I was. They don't know what happened to my phone. They don't know who I was with, who sent them the messages, nothing. And I spent a lot of my adolescence lying to my parents and I had decided in that moment because I was done. I was very scared when he walked in that room and slammed my phone and I was like I'm done with this. I can't keep messing with this person. This is just terrifying, a terrifying display of behavior from this man. I was truthfully fearful for my life. I feel like at certain points throughout that night, it's like a turning point yeah.

Speaker 3: 17:56

So at that point I was like we're done, I'm not doing this on again, off again with this abuser anymore. And while in that six month period that he was in jail I had gone to his court dates and this was not his first one, this was not his first run in with domestic violence charges. This was like his fourth or fifth time, I think. Yeah, he had a pretty lengthy criminal record, mostly being violent, and I had watched the judge tell him we're really tired of seeing you.

Speaker 1: 18:27

Yeah, this is a bad dude. Yeah, they're like this is a bad dude.

Speaker 3: 18:31

We're tired of seeing you. You're not going to prison this time. If I see you in my courtroom again, you were doing at least seven years. Turn around two months later and he's doing it again to someone else. He's no self-control. He's just not a good dude at all.

Speaker 1: 18:51

So is this kind of turning point? Is that part of what started the path?

Speaker 3: 18:57

Yes, so-.

Speaker 1: 18:58

That you ended up-.

Speaker 3: 19:00

Yeah. So my parents told them about the phone, told them who did it, told them what happened and they said, well, we're going to the police and you're going to talk. And I said I don't want him to go to prison, I don't want to be with him, I don't want to be around him anymore, but I don't want to see somebody go to prison. I don't want that to be at my hand even though it was not at my hand and I know that now it was his own actions. So they I wouldn't tell them where we were, so they couldn't figure out what precinct they drove me to like four different police stations.

Speaker 3: 19:30

Police start talking to me. They'd be like who did this? And I said I don't know when were you. I said I don't know, I was not talking. No, strict, no snitching policy. Wow, even though that's I know now that that's not snitching, it's putting someone away for something they deserve. After a certain point they said well, you can either start cooperating and talking and fixing this or you can get out of our house. So I said, okay, give me back the phone he bought me, called him and said my parents are kicking me out. You need to come get me. I threw what I could into like a laundry hamper I think like a tall laundry hamper and he came and picked me up and that's the last time I lived with my parents.

Speaker 1: 20:19

Geez, it was kind of like a like you called their bluff or something.

Speaker 3: 20:26

No, I knew they meant it.

Speaker 1: 20:27

Okay, yeah, it's like one of those things you just, I just want you to do the thing, like I know this is the best thing for you to do, I just want you to do the thing. And then you're like, yeah, fine, fuck it.

Speaker 3: 20:39

Yeah, I just didn't want him to go to prison Again. I didn't even want anything to do with him anymore, but I didn't want him to face those kinds of consequences and go to prison and be alone, even though today I so badly wish that I had, because I would have saved myself a lot more trauma and a lot more pain.

Speaker 1: 21:02

So what happened after that? So you leave, you're on your own now.

Speaker 3: 21:08

Yeah, so we move into an apartment 25 minutes outside of Atlanta together. The rent was $6.79 a month and it was like off of a college campus. So these apartments were designed to be student housing. So it was a four bed, four bath. You just pay for your room and we lived in there together and I got a serving job down the street and was working that for a little bit and he was becoming increasingly more and more abusive. He started beating my ass at that point and he hadn't really done that before.

Speaker 3: 21:48

He had slapped me before so hard. I flew backwards onto my bed and that was it. That was it.

Speaker 1: 21:58

That was it.

Speaker 3: 21:59

Up until this point, yeah, okay. Again, just warped perception of how people should be.

Speaker 1: 22:06

It's like a gauge thing right there. So, like oh no, he didn't really beat me, just slapped me so hard that I flew back onto my bed.

Speaker 3: 22:13

Yeah, yeah, that's a no, biggie yeah.

Speaker 1: 22:17

That's a big hit.

Speaker 3: 22:18

Yeah, that was a-. Jeez. Again, the smashing the phone story was my last straw and I really wanted it to be over after that point.

Speaker 3: 22:28

But it got forced basically into being with him, cause otherwise I'd have nowhere else to go protecting him. So during this time he became increasingly more and more abusive. It was getting pretty bad. There had been one point that I had walked out of my bedroom and was begging my roommate to call the police and I had just blood all over myself and it was mine and it was just. It was pretty rough. And so this serving job that I was at I was not making enough money there to kick him out. The apartment was in my name and I was like I gotta start making some money. Reach out to the girl that I worked with at that restaurant.

Speaker 1: 23:09

Tie back into the beginning there.

Speaker 3: 23:11

Okay, After how to do it, she said I work at this club in Brookhaven. I was like come in audition, I'll tell my house mom about you. You're gorgeous, You're gorgeous, you've got a nice body. You'll totally get right in. You do have to get a license. It's 250 bucks.

Speaker 1: 23:32

But I didn't know that.

Speaker 3: 23:33

Yeah, In Atlanta you have to city of Atlanta. They require you to have a permit.

Speaker 1: 23:39

What do you do for the permit? Or just pay money?

Speaker 3: 23:41

You just go to the police station. They run a background check Make sure you don't have any like prostitution charges or something like that, and then pay them $250 and they say, okay, go get naked, have fun, but yeah, so I.

Speaker 1: 23:57

So you go to the interview or audition.

Speaker 3: 24:01

Okay, it's an interview. No, no, it's not an interview.

Speaker 1: 24:05

So what happens? So, how does that go?

Speaker 3: 24:10

I had snuck to the audition in his car.

Speaker 1: 24:15

He doesn't know about any of those. No, okay.

Speaker 3: 24:18

Well, I was trying to get rid of him. I wasn't going to tell him. You know, I'm about to start making enough money to get rid of you, you know. Plus, he would have just lost it. He was going to lose his shit just about me being a stripper. Anyway, other people see me naked and so I go to the audition and they say, okay. Well, they told me previously where heels, where a two piece outfit, bring a little cover up to like cover your butt, for when you're walking through the club and you're going to get on stage and do three songs, and this is while the club is running, like there's people in here they say, if someone hands you, that would have been like before hours or after some.

Speaker 3: 24:59

Nope. It was. It was like Just go and live.

Speaker 3: 25:02

Yep, and they told me before I go on stage they're like you probably already have the job. We just got to make sure you know, when you get naked you don't have any disturbing scars, tattoos, a penis, you know something like that. So, yeah, they say you do three songs. First song you're going to be in your outfit. Second song you take your top off. Third song you take your bottoms off. This is a full nude club, no touching full nude. And I do that. They give me the job. They say, okay, here's a form, take this form, go get your license and then we'll see you when we see you.

Speaker 1: 25:38

How I mean, you'd never done anything like that before.

Speaker 3: 25:43

Nope.

Speaker 1: 25:45

And to have to for the first time, like just strip for 20 people in there.

Speaker 3: 25:53

About that.

Speaker 1: 25:57

How'd that feel? I mean, did the adrenaline just push you through it, or did you kind of dissociate detach, or did you just like, fuck it, let's do it?

Speaker 3: 26:05

It was really interesting because I remember walking out on the floor being very nervous getting on stage. I've never even touched a stripper pull before being very nervous. Music starts. I do the first song. Second song starts, time to take the top off and I look at the other girl on the stage next to me and I'm like she's killing it and I was like, fuck it, I'm a star. And that's just kind of the mentality that you have when you're dancing on stage in general, is you're like they came here to see me, I'm the star of the show here. I'm the baddest bitch in this room.

Speaker 1: 26:38

So I just thought you'd been a lot more nervous, but it just you just clicked into it.

Speaker 3: 26:43

It clicked for me. Yeah, okay, it was almost too easy because I was it's a way to put it in Five foot seven and 120 pounds, soak in wet and I had a great body and a cute face, knew how to do my makeup so that it was appealing for an environment like this. Had hair down to my ass Like I. Was like what you want to see when you walk into a strip club pretty much for most men.

Speaker 1: 27:12

But you didn't even know what to expect. You'd never even been in one.

Speaker 3: 27:16

No.

Speaker 1: 27:16

You didn't know anything about it?

Speaker 3: 27:18

Yeah, I did notice that this club was what's the word I'm looking for when it's like inclusive what's the word?

Speaker 1: 27:30

I'm trying to use Inclusive diverse.

Speaker 3: 27:32

It was a diverse club. Yes, there were women of all races, ages 18 through probably about 43. Different body types, different hair types, different, you know like stretch marks, no stretch marks, kind of chubby, really skinny, c-sections, scar, you know like. But they were all beautiful women. So I was like, okay, I'm young, I'm skinny, I'm cute, you know like this is, I look good in here, you know. But yeah, I just took over and I did well in the audition and they were like you got the job.

Speaker 1: 28:09

You got the job. You start tomorrow.

Speaker 3: 28:13

Working in a strip club. There's no schedule. For the most part, most places, it's kind of come when you want. You have to be here at least once a month for you to still be considered a contractor under us because it's a 1099 job independent contractor and you have to be there at least once a month to be still on their list. But it's come whenever you want, whatever time, whatever day. We may not see you, for we might see you just once a month, you know, but I think-.

Speaker 1: 28:42

That seems actually kind of nice.

Speaker 3: 28:45

Oh, it's fantastic.

Speaker 1: 28:46

Yeah, like if I want to make a lot of money. I can work a lot If I don't or if I have something to do, and somehow it balances out that they get enough staffing. Or do they ever get too much staffing?

Speaker 3: 29:00

Yeah, they had a cutoff of oh, we have too many girls, or they stopped taking auditions because they have too many girls, just not on their payroll, but basically on their payroll. They would have a cutoff eventually and oh, you came at two o'clock. We already have 15 girls on the floor like go home, we don't want you here. Early bird catch is the worm kind of thing.

Speaker 1: 29:22

So how does the so? You're a contractor, so how does pay work?

Speaker 3: 29:28

Cash in hand.

Speaker 1: 29:30

Cash in hand.

Speaker 3: 29:31

Yeah, so I mean you go to a strip club, you tip in cash, so they. So if you want to do what guys are, just take them out, tip on the stage. You can do private rooms for cash. If they pay on card, the club will give you the money that they had spent on the card at the end of the night. Table dances $10 for a song and you just kinda you take that money home at the end of the night.

Speaker 1: 29:54

Are they taking a piece of that?

Speaker 3: 29:57

They do take a percentage of it. It depends on how much you make Like. If you made like less than 150 bucks, they'd be like just give us 10 bucks and you're good, Tip out the DJ. Okay. Tip your house mom. Tip your floor, man, he looks out for you. You know like so.

Speaker 1: 30:12

Is everyone kind of working on tips on?

Speaker 3: 30:15

Just about yeah, okay, yeah, oh, it's like I would love to be a house mom Like they. I mean, if you have a Friday night, the more money your girls make, the more money you make. So if your girls have a good night on a Friday night or something, you're walking out of there easily with a thousand dollars and all you did was sit at a desk and tell her her outfit looked good and you know, oh, you need eyelashes. Here's some eyelashes, here's some socks. You know.

Speaker 1: 30:38

And so that was my next question. It's like what? That's kind of what I imagined a house mom doing like when you put a title like that, but it's just like making sure that you guys are all set, and that I mean, do they make schedules or do they give advice or are they keeping people in line, or like drama.

Speaker 3: 31:00

Yeah, they'll diffuse issues, they'll keep people in line, they kind of manage like the locker room, the dressing room. Okay, a little bit. If they want to make some more money, they'll like get online by cheap socks, eyelashes, makeup, perfumes, whatever, and sell them or outfits just straight up, buying garters and things like that, things that you need, and they'll sell that you know they'll market up.

Speaker 1: 31:25

Like setting up a little shop yeah.

Speaker 3: 31:28

Yeah, Some will bring in just complimentary stuff. Oh, thanks for all the perfume and lotion and whatever. Mom, here's 25 bucks. You're awesome. Like you know, it was a tip based job and I think it's really cool.

Speaker 1: 31:42

Is that so? Is that someone who's like maybe I'm ignorant here, but is that someone who's like been a dancer before?

Speaker 3: 31:52

Typically.

Speaker 1: 31:53

And is now aged out or doesn't want to do it anymore.

Speaker 3: 31:57

Typically. Yes, my house mom at that club. She used to dance at that club in the 90s. She'd worked there for a really long time.

Speaker 1: 32:05

So I picture like a 50 year old lady.

Speaker 3: 32:08

It's like no, it really just depends on how valuable you are to the club, how much they like you, the owners like you, whatever. And you say I'm done dancing and they do you want a new house model? I can do it, you know. And they do the cash out at the end of the night, you know they collect your money with your tip outs and all of that. Okay, but typically, yeah, it's ex dancers who are tired of dancing, who got pregnant and still want to work there, and you know we're just got a little tool for it, you know.

Speaker 1: 32:45

Yeah, so everyone's kind of DJs working on tips, a chunk of the tips floor men, you know, the guys at the door, bartenders, and then how is the club? What's the club's big income? What are the? I mean they're taking a little bit of your, maybe your private dances, or is it a percentage? How does that work?

Speaker 3: 33:11

Well, the club will run off of food sales if they sell food. Oh okay, pepper sales if they have a full bar.

Speaker 1: 33:17

Did this one have a full bar Full?

Speaker 3: 33:19

bar restaurant not restaurant but kitchen and they run off of the girls money as well. Okay.

Speaker 3: 33:27

The tip out. You know, oh, if I make 150 bucks, I tend to the club, tend to house mom, tend to floor men, five to the DJ, like you know. So you really are walking out with like 85 bucks, you know, but the more you make, the more they make. So I'd had days where I'd made like $2,300, I think. Oh wow On a private room and I think I ended up having to give them about four or 500 of it. Okay.

Speaker 3: 33:52

But it's easy money. You know four or 500 bucks and shit compared to 2,300, you know.

Speaker 1: 33:57

Yeah, I mean, hopefully they're looking out for you, they're taking care of you.

Speaker 3: 34:02

At this club. Yes, yes, this was a fantastic experience.

Speaker 1: 34:05

I'm, I'm you guys are all working together.

Speaker 3: 34:07

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 34:08

And it's like it's kind of like us against them. I mean, restaurants are kind of similar. Like you get the customers they're coming in and then everyone's kind of that works there. It's like. It's like a battle, yeah, like to try to get, you know, fight through the busyness and take care of everyone.

Speaker 3: 34:25

Yeah, and it was important to them that they maintained a good reputation. They'd been around for some time and had a great reputation and it was important that people kept wanting to go there. There's a lot of strip clubs that are pretty grimy, pretty just not awesome establishments and they're like no, we want to keep this elevated. You know, they wanted to keep it professional, so everybody looked out for each other, everybody took care of each other. They were pretty strict on their no touching rule, because touching in a strip club can easily cross a line or can be considered prostitution in the city of Atlanta.

Speaker 1: 35:03

So nobody touches anybody, nope. It's all just.

Speaker 3: 35:08

Yeah, okay, yeah, no touching, like it was to your own discretion the amount. But like, no grabbing ass, no boobs, no, no, none of that. But if a guy wanted to, like grab my legs while I was dancing, that's fine, or my arms or my shoulders or maybe my waist or something like that, that was, that was okay with me, but none of the no, no squares.

Speaker 1: 35:32

The no, no squares. The no, no squares.

Speaker 3: 35:33

We're on limits. Those were strictly off limits. You get caught, you might get one warning get caught again. You're not a lot of work there anymore.

Speaker 1: 35:42

Well, I think that's that's got to be essential for a place like that is to have those hard limits.

Speaker 3: 35:47

Right.

Speaker 1: 35:48

And to be strict about it, because that could get out of hand really quick, I can imagine.

Speaker 3: 35:53

Right. Well, the city of Atlanta is actively trying, and the surrounding smaller cities are actively trying, to shut down the strip clubs just because of the crowd that they bring in. Atlanta is really changed a lot pretty much since the Olympics. What was that? 96. 96. Yeah, that built that city pretty much.

Speaker 1: 36:14

I feel like the. I've just heard a lot about the strip club scene in Atlanta.

Speaker 3: 36:20

That's not what it used to be.

Speaker 1: 36:21

Like I don't know, maybe in a infamous way or a notorious way or a like it's really vibrant, it's big.

Speaker 3: 36:30

Yeah, I don't know, I just feel like.

Speaker 1: 36:32

I've heard a lot about it.

Speaker 3: 36:33

Yeah, it's not what it used to be because the city's trying to shut them down. They're making the rules stricter, neighborhoods petitioning to get them shut down, things like that. And I remember there was one club I was working at in the end of my career called Oasis. They're shut down now because I couldn't follow the rules and they wanted them gone. And I remember the bartender had told me like oh yeah, in like 2007 or something it was a rapper, it might have been like TI or something like that Set up a car wash in the parking lot and like strippers watching cars and stuff in the parking lot of the strip club. It's not like that anymore. No.

Speaker 3: 37:18

I'm like that sounds awesome first of all, but things like that, it's not like that.

Speaker 1: 37:25

So you start working there and like I mean the money's good right away.

Speaker 3: 37:33

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 37:33

To kind of go back.

Speaker 3: 37:35

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 37:35

You know got hired and you start kind of regularly working there. Are you able to now get out on your own?

Speaker 3: 37:43

Well, so the ex-boyfriend knew that I auditioned the day I did. I walked out of the audition. He knew I was there. And I walk out of the front door and go to the car and he walks like from around another car and I'm just like looking at him and he's scared the shit out of me. He's like you're done.

Speaker 1: 38:07

You have GPS on your side.

Speaker 3: 38:09

Yeah, like he knew that I was thinking about it and figured out where I went, or something like that. So I'm going to leave and I just, I'm like super pumped, got the job can finally start moving in the right direction, go to unlock the car and there he is and I'm like, oh shit, there were repercussions for that day for sure. Oh, wow.

Speaker 3: 38:29

From him. He tried to leave me in a Bank of America parking lot with no phone, in the middle of Atlanta and I had a bunch of boxes in my car that I had gotten from my parents like a week or two before. He took all my boxes out of the car, threw them in a parking spot, tried to leave me there, 30 minutes from home, with no phone. I'm a little white girl in Atlanta Like you can't just leave me out here. It's the sex trafficking capital of the world or the country or whatever it is Like you can't.

Speaker 1: 39:00

It's a lot of sex trafficking.

Speaker 3: 39:02

Yeah, oh. I've almost been picked up multiple times, just not even in scenarios like what I was doing for work, like just like at the gas station. Really. Yeah, it's a weird city. It's really dangerous out there.

Speaker 1: 39:13

Yeah, Like what do you mean? Like you're getting snatched in broad daylight at a gas station. You felt like like how did you feel in danger?

Speaker 3: 39:30

There's pretty much like warnings all over the news and on the internet. Hey, watch out for these tactics, watch out for these things. If something seems suspicious, it is be careful, Watch out for yourself. Protect yourself. Always have your location on, have a gun if you can have one. You know, conceal, carry, like legally. And yeah, when I'd almost gotten picked up, I was in Woodstock, Georgia, at like 10 AM on a Wednesday and I had picked up this attitude living out there Like I was just an asshole to everyone, because pretty much anyone who's approaching you in public does not have good intentions and defensive.

Speaker 3: 40:08

Yeah, some lady who I knew she wouldn't have seen the driver seat of my car or anything that would have fallen out of it. She tried to be like hey, you dropped something getting out of your car when you went into the gas station. I just looked at her and said no, I didn't. And then got in my car. I didn't even look, because that's one of their weird things, and I pull up to a stop sign to leave the gas station and I watch her get out of the van, walk across the parking lot and start talking to a man and I was like you got to be smart, you got to be an asshole a little bit.

Speaker 1: 40:41

Well, I mean, what did this woman look like? What was her age? She was a middle-aged black woman.

Speaker 3: 40:48

She had another black woman in the car with her and when she got out of the car she walked across the street, across the parking lot, to a bald white man that was standing on the other end of the parking lot. And there was a couple of other times like this. I have known people to go missing, like friends of friends and sister of a friend of a friend and things like that. I knew a girl in high school who met a guy on Tinder and went missing for two weeks and he was pimping her out of a hotel room in Atlanta and the police when they found her why Atlanta?

Speaker 1: 41:24

Why so specifically Atlanta? I mean, I know that was the big area where you were growing up, but, like I mean, why is it so prevalent there, do you think?

Speaker 3: 41:34

Heartsfield Jackson International Airport is the largest airport in the world Highest traffic airport. You can make someone go missing really fast.

Speaker 1: 41:44

Yeah, I guess that makes a lot of sense.

Speaker 3: 41:46

And Atlanta has easy access to all these major highways like 75, 85, 20, takes you out west and yeah, just yeah, north, southeast west, like you can get anywhere pretty fast. I think you could get to Chattanooga within two hours, you know you can get to that's not traffic Down that traffic.

Speaker 1: 42:06

I've driven that before, geez. Oh my God, that is the worst.

Speaker 3: 42:10

I don't want a single person in this state to complain to me about the traffic. Ever.

Speaker 1: 42:14

That's what I fucking Going from Nashville. Because when we drive from Illinois down to Florida and we've done that a bunch of times going from fucking Nashville to goddamn Macon, that whole stretch, it's just, it's like being on a different planet.

Speaker 3: 42:34

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 42:35

It's a totally different planet. Like, the rules don't apply anymore. There's no laws, get me started on this and then it's like everywhere else I drive, people drive like, okay, I'm going to go 85 or I'm going to go 75. I think they just drive on a motion between Nashville and Macon. It's just like I'm going to go 60 right now, but then in three minutes I'm going to go 85.

Speaker 3: 43:02

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 43:02

And then I'm going to slow back down to 70. Doesn't even make sense.

Speaker 3: 43:05

Yeah, when you're traveling, on Switching lanes.

Speaker 1: 43:07

I mean, that's not even the dangerous shit, that's just keeping pace.

Speaker 3: 43:10

Yeah, you know, when you're driving like 485 south of Atlanta you got to watch out for cops. 75 is a free for all, 85 north free for all. Like I've watched people-.

Speaker 1: 43:24

It's so horrible, yeah, that traffic there, the roads are so horrible. I got detoured like two hours out into like the. We were in the farm, we were in like the country, like going around Atlanta. I think that was last time we went back up to Illinois. It was like PTSD, man, like you just you just second, we just went off on a tangent with that. You like triggered some PTSD in me about Atlanta traffic.

Speaker 3: 43:52

No, I don't want to hear a single person complain about it ever yeah.

Speaker 1: 43:56

Yeah, so there's a lot of that there and then I guess so the boyfriend finds out Like-.

Speaker 3: 44:11

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 44:12

How do you? Do you go back to work there? Do you leave his ass like-?

Speaker 3: 44:19

He wasn't making a lot of money at the time and was under the impression that I was supporting him, which I did for about two months, a little bit. He was still going to work, but I was paying the bulk of things and you know my. He loosened up on the idea of me dancing and the first thing we did was go to the smoke shop and buy a $200 hookah. We don't even smoke hookah Like. We was like a once a month kind of thing because it was wherever we were like- so he's like okay, spend my money yeah.

Speaker 1: 44:49

If you make money you can dance. And then you're like I made money. And he's like let's go buy a fucking hookah.

Speaker 3: 44:57

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 44:58

That's, that's funny.

Speaker 3: 45:00

Yeah so that's like a interesting little-. He knew his security and the and the relationship with me was withering at that point though. Okay, because he knew I had the financial means to live without him at that point, so-.

Speaker 1: 45:19

Is this a couple months in or something, or a month in?

Speaker 3: 45:23

It was about three months in when I finally got away from him.

Speaker 1: 45:27

Okay, how was that?

Speaker 3: 45:31

Well, so at this point in time I hadn't spoken to my mother almost at all for about six months because every time I would talk to her she would just kind of ring my neck a little bit on how I was living. She didn't know I was dancing yet. She would just kind of ring my neck a little bit on it and I would try to be like, oh, I'm doing well at my serving job, serving job, and you know I have an apartment and stuff. And she's like I can't believe you're living with that fucking bum Like, and I was like, all right, good talk, yeah, talk to you later. I was just kind of that.

Speaker 3: 46:10

So I just stopped talking to her pretty much Like I talked to her once every two or three weeks for about six months and it was short conversations. We weren't, we weren't on good terms. My dad I was still talking to because he was like I just still want to have a relationship with you. I'm not going to let how I feel get in the way of you being in my life. You know, which I can appreciate a lot. I understand where they were both coming from.

Speaker 1: 46:34

It's tough, it's tough.

Speaker 3: 46:37

So I was very privately dancing and I decided I was like I want to start just posting whatever I feel like online.

Speaker 3: 46:47

So I got on my Snapchat where I was going to be posting if I looked cute that day in the locker room and locker room dressing room and you know, I blocked everyone that had anything to do with my family everyone in my family, family, friends, things like that and started posting what I wanted to. And there had been one night that I my boyfriend had come home and just fell right asleep and I had made a friend out there and she was like we're going to go to a party tonight. Do you want to come? I was like, yeah, sure. So I tried to wake him up. You wouldn't wake up and I was like, okay, I'm just going to go, and usually that wouldn't be much of a big deal.

Speaker 3: 47:30

But at one AM and I was super drunk at that point he calls me and is like You're out there being a hoe, like you're fucking done, I'm throwing all your shit out, like whatever. So my friends are like this is the end, right, like you're done with this guy. I was like, yeah, I can finally do it. So the next morning I called the non-emergency police like number and said, hey, I'm gonna go to my apartment today and kick out a boyfriend. He's physically violent with me. I don't want, I just want you there for my protection, so he doesn't try to pull anything when I get there. And so he wakes up at 10 o'clock in the morning to me knocking on the bedroom door with two cops standing behind me. Oh shit.

Speaker 3: 48:26

And the cops are like you need to vacate the premises, you need to get out. So he tore that bedroom apart, Anything that he even slightly paid for, he ripped off the walls and took with him, and then, before he left too, he goes. Oh, and I'm taking my cat, which was my cat. I adopted her after we moved into this apartment and I was like that's my cat. And the cops were like anything that he takes, that is yours, settle it in court. I was like but that's my cat.

Speaker 1: 49:00

And there's a lot of gray area with that stuff always.

Speaker 3: 49:06

Yeah, and they're like can you prove it? I was like I, can I have her paperwork in this drawer. Go to open the drawer. He heard this conversation and he snatched it really quick before I could prove it and he wanted the fucking cat. Yeah, he smuggled her out of there in like a jacket. She was a rescue. She did not like to be held. She didn't even like to be looked at. She was terrified of people.

Speaker 1: 49:25

Did he even like cats? Or was he just trying to be his dick?

Speaker 3: 49:27

No, he was just trying to be evil and from what I'd heard after that, it doesn't sound like an animal person. No, he didn't even want the cat. He just thought it'd make me happy and let me get cat. But he wrapped her up in a jacket. She's like screaming, this poor thing. He's already traumatized from wherever she lived before and takes her out of the apartment in front of what I heard through the grapevine. After the fact, because I never saw her again, he threw her out the window of the car. Oh Jesus.

Speaker 3: 49:57

Yeah, he killed her. That's horrible. And the cops like let him pretty much.

Speaker 1: 50:04

That's fucking twisted yeah.

Speaker 3: 50:06

Anytime. I tried to press charges against him for the stalking that I endured and the cat thing and the things he stole, like the cops were like there's nothing we can do. Man Can't prove it.

Speaker 1: 50:15

So I mean, I hope so. Was this fucking guy out of your life at this point?

Speaker 3: 50:20

Yes, this was the end. So the phone that I had was also the phone that he bought me to replace the one he broke and I was like, can I call my mom before you take the phone? When he's like getting the last of his stuff out, the cops are still there. He's like, yeah, call your mom. And I call her and I'm in tears and I'm like I'm doing it, he's leaving, he's done, he's gone. And she says I know you're a stripper, damn. She knew I was getting my ass beat for a couple of months at this point was being abused and the first thing that she said to me when I said it's done, I know you're a stripper. How'd she find that out?

Speaker 3: 50:59

I removed all those people on Snapchat but forgot one, and it was a relative of mine's friend, who, and she told my mom.

Speaker 1: 51:09

Social media. Man Damn yeah. So there was that horrifying to hear that? I mean on top of everything else that's going on right now. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 3: 51:21

And it was funny because right before this had happened I was working and was out on the floor. I was like the shift had just started and I'm in the club and I see somebody walk in and it is a family friend of ours that I had known. I grew up with his kids. I was still friends with his daughter, my parents were friends with him and his wife, and also my grandparents oh fuck, he knew my family very well.

Speaker 1: 51:46

So who wait? Who saw who first? I saw him so.

Speaker 3: 51:49

I run into the dressing room and I talked to my house mom and I'm like there's somebody that knows my parents out there. She goes, get dressed, you can go for the day. You don't have to give us a tip out or anything. Get dressed, we'll escort you out the back door and you can go home. Wow, for you know, privacy reasons. That was a good spot, yeah, Now they were, are you sure?

Speaker 1: 52:10

Are you sure you didn't get seen first?

Speaker 3: 52:15

I am now, but at that time, because that had happened like two days before, I kicked him out. And then she says I know, you're a stripper.

Speaker 1: 52:22

Yeah, and.

Speaker 3: 52:23

I said what she's, I know and I'm like, was it this person? She goes what yeah. What the no? I liked that.

Speaker 1: 52:38

And.

Speaker 3: 52:38

I didn't know how she knew until years later when we talked about it and she told me she's like I've not been able to face that family ever since, because they knew what I was doing. But so a few months after this, when everything had cleared up and I was dancing three days a week regularly, day shift, I saw him in the club and I was still under the impression he's the one who told my mom. And I see him and I walk up to him like hi, how are you? He's like oh, you work here.

Speaker 1: 53:05

I was like, yeah, and I told him you told my family, dude, yeah, I tell him the story.

Speaker 3: 53:10

He's like no, that wasn't me. I'm not like a strip club strip club patron, like that. I'm really good friends with most of the people, with most of the staff here. I walked the nighttime house mom down the aisle for her wedding like they're family friends of ours. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1: 53:25

He's like I would never even if I had, there's a hot twist.

Speaker 3: 53:28

Yeah, he's like even if I had seen you that day, I would have never said anything. Like I would have never told your family, I respect your privacy and things like that. He's like I can't be affiliated with these strip club employees and disrespect their workers like that, you know yeah yeah.

Speaker 3: 53:44

So he's sitting at the show bar, which is the bar that you can dance on with like a railing to grab, like above your head and stuff. He was sitting there and I just continued on working my shift and I get called to show bar. I get on the show bar, he sees me and he hands me $5, which is take your top off.

Speaker 1: 54:08

Oh shit.

Speaker 3: 54:10

I've known this man since I was like five. I'm 18 also.

Speaker 1: 54:14

That's fucking weird.

Speaker 3: 54:16

Yeah, I was like this just got extra weird because I thought you saw me, thought you told my mom, turns out you didn't, and now you want me to show you my tits.

Speaker 1: 54:25

But then he was like no, I'm a good guy, I'm just here to hang out and eat the steak, or I love their French fries, or they have really good Like. Then he's just like fucking playing it off. But then he's like here's food books.

Speaker 3: 54:37

Yeah, no, you learn in sex work that majority of the men that you think you know and are normal people are actually everybody's a weirdo.

Speaker 1: 54:45

Everybody's fucking weird. Everybody, everyone's weird.

Speaker 3: 54:48

I don't know anybody who's just totally vanilla, lives by the way that maybe their God would want them to live, and things like that. Everybody's got skeletons in the closet and things like that, and everybody's got weird shit.

Speaker 1: 55:01

Well, and it's also like what we associate is weird, like there's certain things that, for whatever reason, we associate is weird and other things which are the same that, well, that's normal. Like I mean, there's a lot of bad habits people pick up, there's a lot of bad personality traits, a lot of bad behaviors people do, but because they're not maybe in like a substance category or a sex category, it's just like oh, that's just how they are.

Speaker 3: 55:31

Well, that's really why sex work is such a massive industry the way that it is is because people can feel free to like indulge in the things that others may perceive as weird. They can go and like live their truth in the strip club a little bit.

Speaker 1: 55:50

Well, it's, I mean, just as humans. It's one of the, it's a natural instinct, that's the derivative of it.

Speaker 3: 55:57

Yeah, and it's all a secret, it's a need.

Speaker 1: 56:00

Yeah, it's dopamine, right? I mean we get dopamine from exercise. We get dopamine from doing something well at work or eating something. There's all these little almost addictions, but there are also things instinctually we need, and it's like that that one's always really strange Anything with sex work, because it is it's taboo, it's secret, it's we don't talk about it. But I mean we can talk about oh, I ate three cakes last night. Like that's fucking weird. But nobody's gonna be like don't talk to me, you shouldn't. Yeah, like I'm ashamed of you for eating three cakes. I mean people can just eat three cakes and for whatever reason, I just love the analogy that you're using.

Speaker 1: 56:50

Yeah, can you imagine that, just like sitting down and polishing off, I mean there's a lot of things people do, yeah, I don't know. And it's just that that world is always so shadowy and I obviously don't think it should be out in the open. You know, it's not like a completely out in the open thing, but we always keep it, I don't know, very shadowed and taboo, and I don't know if that's just culture, that it is, but it's. I think it. I think it leads to a lot of fucked up stuff, because then people closet shit and bottle it up and then, yeah, if you saw, like working in that clubs, I mean you get to see the release.

Speaker 1: 57:39

Yeah, like you said, people get to be themselves more and now, now they're like making up for all that lost time keeping their fucking weird in and they just get up.

Speaker 3: 57:50

Yeah, now I had known of one girl who got paid however much money to pee out a guy in VIP Like.

Speaker 1: 57:58

So it's no touching but pings.

Speaker 3: 58:00

Yeah, no, that one doesn't cross the line apparently. Yeah, she'd like peed on a guy in VIP but, like you know, a lot of these men that go in there are married too. Like what are you going to ask your girlfriend to pee on you? No, she's going to tell her friends, you know. Or your Tinder date or your wife, you know, something like that. And there's there's judgments in the real world, but in sex work it's you go with the flow with. You know there's still consent there, there's still. You know what you are and are not comfortable with. But if somebody was like here's $1,500, can you piss on me? I'd be like, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 58:35

Yeah. I'm gonna be nervous, oh yeah, but I mean, in that exchange everyone's getting what they want, right, right?

Speaker 3: 58:44

And nobody has to know about it. You know, yeah, these guys go home and get dressed and take a shower and get in bed with their wives and then go to work the next day and take little Timmy to the baseball game, and you know they're normal people, but they go do weird shit in the strip club.

Speaker 1: 59:01

Yeah, what is? Is there any other like weird, like I guess I would say unconventional things that customers or people would ask for, maybe like a specific thing somebody had that they would always?

Speaker 3: 59:18

Yeah, there was a guy. I had never had the pleasure of crossing paths with him, but God, I wish I did, Because he would come in every month, couple of months and spend easily at least $5,000 asking girls to eat. Or he'd like pick the hottest girl in there and be like I'm going to order you food, you just keep eating. Every plate you eat, I will give you $200. What the fuck. So there was. I remember I talked to the girl who had done it, one of the girls who had done it because we'd only seen him every once in a while and you'd be so lucky to sit with him and she's like so when this dude walked in.

Speaker 3: 59:56

People are like yeah, go sit with him Like and you know, if the bartender's like you and they're looking out for you because they're the ones that are there the most, they're like that guy spends a lot of money, go over there, you know. Or like yeah, but he wanted girls to eat. So he'd be like I'm going to give you $200 bucks for every plate you eat. So this girl she said she made so much money she stopped there for like six hours and ate the entire time. She'd get full, go to the bathroom, jam her fingers down her throat, throw up, come back eat more.

Speaker 3: 1:00:25

That's probably not good for you.

Speaker 1: 1:00:27

Absolutely not.

Speaker 3: 1:00:29

Model diet. Yeah, not good for anybody, but she made a lot of money just eating. I don't even think he asked her to get naked.

Speaker 1: 1:00:43

And he wanted to like watch this little time. That was just his thing.

Speaker 3: 1:00:47

I don't even think he was going for like big girls who I guess there's worse things, I don't even think that he was like going for girls who look like they like to eat, either. I think he was going for skinny girls. Maybe it was like the opposite, like I'm going to corrupt you.

Speaker 3: 1:00:59

Yeah, maybe, like I'm thinking about it, like from a psychological standpoint maybe he had like a fitness wife or something who hasn't eaten a carb in the last 15 years or something like that. You know, when he's like Just making up the backstory, yeah, you eat this cheeseburger you know, yeah, you eat this cheeseburger. I'm going to go home and touch myself thinking about it later, like people are weird, you just it's. I've got some pretty silly stories and it's a full spectrum of things that I experienced in the year that I was dancing.

Speaker 1: 1:01:32

So you get the P-Guy, you got the food guy. What, what, what else I?

Speaker 3: 1:01:40

Had a friend get paid once like $2,500 to shit on someone that's on that's. That's in the same realm as the P.

Speaker 1: 1:01:47

That's a little worse but it's worse, you know, it's definitely worse that one's actually really normal.

Speaker 3: 1:01:51

The first time I'd ever heard about like that, like kink, I was like 16 and I had a friend who's like it's my dream to have a chunkey girl shit on my chest, I was like you are a strange critter, you're a strange critter I. Thought it was yeah, you.

Speaker 1: 1:02:08

I don't. I heard about it on South Park. That's about my extended knowledge. Did you watch South Park?

Speaker 3: 1:02:15

South Park's a little too real for me, like, like just the things that they reference, like things like that, like oh, that sounds so silly, but if you know, you know.

Speaker 1: 1:02:25

That's why they're like they're very insightful, yeah, why I kind of love South Park, like the first time I heard about that was like Cartman's mom was in a German Shizer film. It's like shit, like Shizer shit. Oh my god but like yeah, oh, that's a bad one. I don't like that one, the eating one.

Speaker 3: 1:02:45

I'm like okay one of my regulars. He was a little bit of an odd guy. Most of these men the majority of the men that go into strip clubs at least Regulars just want somebody to talk to them. You know, a woman to pay them attention, a beautiful young girl to pay them attention and think they're funny and laugh at their jokes and hang out with them. You know they don't get that in their normal life.

Speaker 1: 1:03:06

I see I I can understand that one a lot and and I've heard that, one of my regulars, though he.

Speaker 3: 1:03:14

I saw him about once a week and I'd go and dance for him for about three hours straight and I wasn't even hardly dancing, it was, you know, $10 a song, fully nude, not touching anything, and we'd go for like three hours and I'd basically be just swaying back and forth and we would talk nothing but politics that whole time. And I'd probably see him once a week and he loved me.

Speaker 1: 1:03:36

That's a good one.

Speaker 3: 1:03:37

And I'm not even. I mean, this is an acting job and it's a job where you kind of have to be able to Converse with people about just about anything. Yeah obviously some people have gray areas. Some people are really strong in those areas. In conversation, politics isn't my number one thing I kind of just can Reflect off other people with. I think they want to hear. This is why.

Speaker 3: 1:03:56

I can hold a conversation, yeah that's why I was successful as a dancer without having to, you know, borderline prostitute myself or anything like a lot of do, because I was interesting to talk to for a lot of these men and, yeah, I would just hear his opinions and kind of Reflect them back to him, even if I didn't agree with him. I would pretend to believe in something I did not and he's like, I have this super hot naked chicken front of me talking to me about how I'm right agreeing with you.

Speaker 1: 1:04:26

Yeah, there's a kink in that right.

Speaker 3: 1:04:28

That's the dream. That's the dream for just normal men. He was just a normal guy. I.

Speaker 1: 1:04:34

Would pay someone just to agree with me, just on any side just yes man. Oh yeah, yeah, it's like it could be on the phone. I could be like I don't think the rock is a good actor and they'd be like, fuck, yeah, I get that number one fan Jimmy. Fallon's overrated.

Speaker 3: 1:04:52

I was always thinking that Like number one fan but that's what you do when you're a convert, when you're strong suit and sex work is conversations.

Speaker 1: 1:05:01

You just are a yes man to people who well, nobody agrees with anyone, with anything anymore, like everyone's argumentative. Yeah, everybody has really strong opinions too strong of opinions, too many opinions have less opinions. That's my, that's my fucking presidential slogan that's my like when.

Speaker 1: 1:05:22

When, when I hear like there's some problem, like some problem that's existed since the beginning of time, I'm fucking no, like men leaving the toilet seat up or Hair in the drain of the shower, or just some problem that's existed forever, let's say politically, and Someone's like well, the way to fix this is we just need to have an open conversation. I'm like Y'all been doing this for fucking years and you haven't changed a fucking thing yet. Yeah, like an open conversation. How about stop talking about it? Yeah, and you're talking about it too fucking much.

Speaker 3: 1:05:59

Yeah and most recent there's a such thing where I've seen examples of that as a the things that are happening in the Middle East right now. I'm seeing Influencers being held accountable for not Putting their opinions out there. Yeah, they're not saying anything and I'm like this person who just makes silly videos on TikTok is not going to have. You should not rely on your political stance. These are problems that have existed for a very long time. Yeah, my opinion is not going to change anything.

Speaker 1: 1:06:31

I'm talking about. It doesn't do shit.

Speaker 3: 1:06:34

No, it doesn't.

Speaker 1: 1:06:35

I'm tired of that. That's like a modern thing, like we just talk about it. No, it's just fucking makes things worse.

Speaker 3: 1:06:41

All right, so your presidential slogan can be have less opinions. Mine can be less fucking, stop talking.

Speaker 1: 1:06:47

Stop talking. You're the vice president, president, vice versa. One one on one. Yeah, I get it. Stop talking. Have less opinions. Just shut the fuck up and just chill.

Speaker 3: 1:06:59

No, it's a quiet time.

Speaker 1: 1:07:01

It's quiet time and then Pay someone to agree with you and you could just do that like once a week. That's like your kink, like you just like pay someone to be like fucking Catch up doesn't belong on hot dogs, fuck, yeah. Yeah, I got you. I understand. Yeah, but I mean the concept that you're talking about working in the club.

Speaker 1: 1:07:26

That's very real because I Think, as adults and especially Men is they don't, they may not have an outlet to where someone will talk to them or they can be themselves. You know, if they have a professional life and they're kind of keeping it straight and narrow or trying to put a you know a facade out, or you know, maybe their relationship isn't the best with their wife or Kids or they don't have a lot of close friends, like that connection, but also at the same time it's kind of like, well, I'm paying you.

Speaker 1: 1:08:05

It's not like a voluntary connection, like yeah okay, and I'm sure that's not always the case, but when you are talking to customers, I mean you're trying to get money. That's your time, that's your money. You're there at work, yeah, and you're not gonna spend two hours Just chatting with someone.

Speaker 3: 1:08:25

So for free you can get sucked into that it I'm every strippers falling victim to that At least once. But eventually you learn. You know my time is money. If you just want to sit here and talk, I want to watch, you put down a hundred dollar bill every 20 minutes and I'll keep sitting here and talking to you. You know, and I would have I did have a regular that did that. He just wanted to talk, he didn't want. I think I could did maybe a handful of dances for him in the few months that I knew him, but he was like I know your time is valuable. $100 bill, crisp, $100 bill every 20 minutes and just sit there and chat and it was like.

Speaker 3: 1:09:01

A crispy one. Yeah, okay, yeah, no, that was. I was living the life and I'm 19 at this time. I started when I was 18, turn 19 and like I'm making Bank, just being hot and dancing and talking, and I'm doing it three days a week. I was probably racking in a minimum of $1300. This is also day shift, you know. It's more money at night and from two to eight, at least 1300 upwards of $3500, maybe more.

Speaker 1: 1:09:36

Is that like what was like your biggest day?

Speaker 3: 1:09:41

30, 36, 37, I think I'd gone into a VIP, this one girl who would work there for a long time. She, she had a regular who would come, or sugar daddy regular, I don't know what he was, he was an older guy, okay. And he she told me, hey, my, my guy's coming in today, he wants, he likes it. When we bring a girl into the room to play with us. It's like, well, what's play? Because you know, this is again strict, no touching. But he was a big spender and when your big spender, regular in the strip club, you kind of get the rules can be bent a little bit, you get checked on less. You know, foreman, see something? No, he didn't, because the floor man's getting tipped by these guys too, yeah, you know.

Speaker 3: 1:10:22

So play was like a. It's gonna look like I'm going down on you, but I'm not, or We'll kiss a little bit, we're not gonna like vigorously make up, but we'll kiss a little bit and might kiss him a little bit and I'll kiss your breasts and you know, and things like that. It was just little teasing things and I went in there with her for Four hours and it was 200 to 50 for 30 minutes, 400 for an hour. So, and plus all the money I'd already made that day, plus whatever else, he tipped on top of that because he'd say I want to see this thing and I'd say, oh, I don't do that, and he's like, slides a little more money and I'm like, now I do that.

Speaker 1: 1:11:01

Is there like a? Is there a coiness to that, to where you're kind of like oh, I don't do the yes, I've never touched a boo before and they're like, I want to see that for the first time. Yeah, absolutely there seems to be a little bit of that and I can. I can see that that mouse trap yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:11:24

You know, and you just have to have boundaries with yourself and lines that you won't cross. You know most importantly, but their Services can be, but you know well to like.

Speaker 1: 1:11:33

Play more innocent to something.

Speaker 3: 1:11:35

Yeah, yeah, or I don't know. I'm not comfortable with that, you know and just like well, what if you just kiss her thigh and I'm like I don't know, here's 250 bucks, okay, like eyes are weird.

Speaker 1: 1:11:45

I've never seen a thigh before never seen a thigh allergic to thighs actually.

Speaker 3: 1:11:49

I break out in highs.

Speaker 1: 1:11:51

Yeah hives, huh, but uh we want to, and they probably know it too. Yeah, they get to get the game.

Speaker 3: 1:12:00

Yeah, but Circling back, yeah, that was probably my biggest day I think I had was doing good before I went into that room with them and I ended up walking out of the club before before tip out it was 3500, probably boiled down to like 28 29. I'm 19. Yeah, this is cash too. This isn't on your next paycheck taxes deducted no, like what.

Speaker 1: 1:12:22

19 year old. You're going home with that.

Speaker 3: 1:12:24

Yeah, making that, even in a month. Sometimes, you know, I was making that in a day and it would happen. I'd have a big, big day like that, probably once every three weeks, but on average I was probably bringing home $500 a shift and all I had to do was go walk around in my underwear for a little bit, dance a little bit, you know.

Speaker 1: 1:12:47

I do that for free right. All the time, every day.

Speaker 3: 1:12:52

Price you pay for marriage.

Speaker 1: 1:12:54

Yeah, my wife she doesn't pay me anything Walk around in my underwear and dance all day. It's ridiculous. So Did you ever have customers that I mean I'm sure you did, but I mean just for like a Example. I mean there had to be guys that constantly tried to push or that just got fucking creepy with it like I.

Speaker 3: 1:13:25

Have had a guy removed from the club once I don't remember the exact details because this was years ago and it was just a blip, you know. But I've had a guy removed once. I've walked out of VIP ones because he kept trying to put his fingers places that they were not supposed to be. And you know, I'll do like a two warning system, like, hey, stop, no, I already told you that you're gonna get us both in trouble. Floorman walks in and sees that, whether or not you were about to tell him, no, you're, you could lose your job. Yeah, I liked working there, you know, I wanted to keep my job and and Eventually I'm like we're done and they pay up front so you could walk out anytime if you're uncomfortable and keep their money.

Speaker 1: 1:14:02

And then it's like I Mean did you feel pretty safe? I'm when you're working, I mean it me. You got security dudes. Yeah, absolutely, if it and everyone's kind of looking out not all clubs are like this.

Speaker 3: 1:14:16

I was very fortunate here to have a team behind me that really had my best interest at heart, really respected me, respected the establishment as a whole. You know I represent the establishment you know, so If I go up to the floor, men, and say this guy's really bothering me, this guy is bulligerent, this guy is doing this, he can go give him a warning or just say alright, man, grab your stuff, get out you know, and then I guess on the same, on the same side, and I mean I'm just thinking of this like, like a movie playing out, like this little show, this razzle, dazzle, is there people that you could spot?

Speaker 1: 1:15:00

I mean, you get to do it after a little while. You'd like spot the suckers. There like you're like, oh yeah, that it's gonna pay, or. Or I mean because you say you can spot the guys, that or maybe they're not gonna pay anything, they're cheap. Can you spot the suckers?

Speaker 3: 1:15:22

It's easier to spot who's not gonna pay, okay, but so the way that it works, how you even approach most of these men cause you can just walk around and go, sit down with someone and talk and if they're not wanting anything, leave after five minutes, you know. But the way that you have the best etiquette and you make the most money is on your stage sets. You get called up on stage about once every 45 minutes to an hour, depending on how many girls are on, but typically in that range. And whoever comes and tips you, you get off stage, put your clothes back on and you go thank them you know it's.

Speaker 3: 1:15:58

You still have etiquette in there, you know, and men will complain. Like she was really rude, I tipped her 20 books on stage. She didn't even say thank you to me. They get on the girls for that. They want these guys to come back. They want them to feel appreciated, you know.

Speaker 1: 1:16:11

Well, and probably if they're spending money up there, they might get a VIP or a-.

Speaker 3: 1:16:15

So whoever spent the most money on me on stage, that's who I'd go and really try to chat it up with. If you came and gave me a crumbled up $1 bill, I'm probably I'm gonna go see. Thank you, but that's all I got. But if you come up and hand me a 20.

Speaker 1: 1:16:28

A crisp 20.

Speaker 3: 1:16:29

A crisp 20,. Yeah, I'll come sit down with you, because those are the people. The more money you pay to the girls on stage, the more you can tell they have money to dispose of. They like you, they love your look, they wanna talk to you. And VIP's where your money's at, you know.

Speaker 1: 1:16:49

Is at the end goal.

Speaker 3: 1:16:51

Get them into VIP. Okay, yeah, and VIP's. The exact same in this club, at least. Exact same thing on the floor as it is in the private room. You're just not on the floor. You can have more conversation because the music's a little quieter. You're having your drinks brought to you by a waitress and you can just kind of have a more intimate moment. You know you can get away with a couple more things like in the room than you could on the floor. Like I would try not to get too close to the men on the floor but in the VIP room, like one of my little tricks to get them to just just their pants a little bit was to get close to, like their neck and you like softly breathe on their neck. That'll, like you know, stun them a little bit and I can't do that on the floor. I can get that close to you on the floor, no, so, and you just generally make more money back there.

Speaker 1: 1:17:46

Like I said, stun them a little. Like you're, stunning your prayer.

Speaker 3: 1:17:49

Give them the old razzle-dazzle.

Speaker 1: 1:17:52

Foot starts twitching, so you do this. I mean, you're doing this one two years total.

Speaker 3: 1:18:02

I did it for actually in total, about a year and a half.

Speaker 1: 1:18:08

Because I remember when we talked before the show, you'd said like 2020 kind of COVID. The kibosh on it. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:18:17

So I was really successful in it and doing really great. 19, made more money than I knew what to do with. I knew what to do with it, which was blow it by who goes?

Speaker 3: 1:18:30

No, I sold that Almost immediately, almost immediately. I didn't use it and it was nice, Like I don't know. I found a buyer for that one. But no, I was in the club, I was working, and if I wasn't working I was out partying my ass off. This was a point in my life where I'd started experimenting and really getting into party drugs. I was drinking a lot more One of the bigger downfalls of it not that I was ever really bad or anything, it was just more frequent than most people. I was really teetering on what some people would consider a problem, but it was one of those things I genuinely could quit anytime, and I did.

Speaker 1: 1:19:16

But then COVID, kind of puts an abrupt stop. I mean in the party hanging out, and then I mean, did the club close or was it Well everything?

Speaker 3: 1:19:28

closed. Yeah, the club was definitely, I mean like bars, clubs, things like that, were the first to go. You know you could hardly even go to Walmart. We still don't have 24 hour Walmart back. You never know what you took for granted.

Speaker 1: 1:19:41

No, we don't have 24 hour anything back Occasionally, you can find a McDonald's like a Taco Bell, but Walmart.

Speaker 3: 1:19:47

like I really took that one for granted, I would give anything to walk around Walmart at 3 am again. Oh, it was wonderful. Yeah, it was great, but yeah, the club shut down and I was like I'm not sure what I was doing. And when that happened, like it was, like you know, the automatic payments out of my account car insurance, whatever my account I had just gotten back from a music festival so I had no money and then that week everything shut down. I never went back to work after that festival. Geez.

Speaker 3: 1:20:19

And ended up with like negative 600 something dollars in my bank account after previously being pretty well off, geez.

Speaker 1: 1:20:28

And you never, so you never danced again.

Speaker 3: 1:20:31

I tried to. I tried to when the clubs opened back up but there were restrictions. We had to wear face masks. People were broke, I mean, their businesses were failing and their houses were, you know, getting taken from them. People didn't have stripper money anymore. They could barely survive, you know. Yeah, and then also, who wants to go to strip club to look at beautiful William? But half their face is blocked, you know.

Speaker 1: 1:20:59

Yeah, that had to be awkward.

Speaker 3: 1:21:00

And you have to stay six feet apart from everyone. Like you can't even sit next to someone and just chat at the bar anymore. Like they have to be four seats over now, you know. Oh yeah. So I tried to go back when they opened back up but the money was like I was going to work and walking out. I walked out and the negatives went. For the first time I paid to go dance on men, like. I ended up walking out with like $20 less than I walked in with.

Speaker 1: 1:21:25

Oh geez.

Speaker 3: 1:21:28

And I was like I'm getting naked, showing people every part of me. For a hundred bucks I could go be a waitress again and make the same, if not more, and I don't have to get naked and I don't have to, you know, be sexually harassed, not harassed, but yeah, all day.

Speaker 1: 1:21:51

Yeah. So I mean, are you? So you haven't done it since.

Speaker 3: 1:21:58

No, I have. I tried to get back into it earlier this year or 2023, because I was really hurting for money, but it put a strain on my relationship. I got into my relationship after COVID started and he was kind of like you know, I really see this getting very serious, but it won't if that's what you do for work, and that was between the money and that In a healthy way. Yeah, yeah, between the money.

Speaker 1: 1:22:31

I mean a healthy relationship that can be like okay, you know, like not really my thing.

Speaker 3: 1:22:37

It wasn't like a means of control.

Speaker 1: 1:22:39

Like a boundary. Yeah, like I can't do that.

Speaker 3: 1:22:41

Yeah, like we were very happy together, we were having a great time, but he's like I won't consider things like a serious future with somebody who gets naked for other men all the time. You know which some men are cool with. That minds not.

Speaker 1: 1:22:54

That's a healthy boundary.

Speaker 3: 1:22:56

I feel like it's fair, yeah so, between my relationship being fantastic and wanting that to succeed.

Speaker 1: 1:23:03

So you're in a good relationship.

Speaker 3: 1:23:04

Oh, amazing, amazing. We've been together for almost four years now. It's been just absolutely incredible. I'm very, very fortunate, yeah and yeah, the money wasn't the same and I had this really great thing finally going for me. That was healthy and normal and I was like I'm gonna pursue that instead. You know I'm not gonna keep trying to hash out the stripping thing. It's not the same, like I'll go get a real job, make the same, if not more, money, and be happy with this person, and I'm really really glad that I did. And I realized, being in that relationship, how much stripping had changed my brain. Okay.

Speaker 3: 1:23:51

That is like a really big thing that I had seen firsthand while working in the clubs, how it affects these women and their perception on themselves, their perception on men, relationships, sex, money, things like that. Like it really turns you into a different person and I'm really glad that I didn't get as bad as I've seen it get.

Speaker 1: 1:24:10

You didn't get like jaded with it.

Speaker 3: 1:24:13

Right, like it was just money to me. It was a job. I looked at it as a job. It didn't become me, it didn't become my lifestyle, like it was my fun little thing to tell people at parties and stuff like, oh yeah, I'm a stripper, but that was it. I wasn't talking to men outside the club, I didn't give anyone my number, I didn't have sugar daddies, I did not.

Speaker 1: 1:24:35

I can see how that fucks up your view of men or relationships in general. I can. Yeah, that would wear on you after a while.

Speaker 3: 1:24:43

Well, there had been a girl that I befriended who I worked at the club with and she had been dancing about a year longer than me and I remember when I first talked to her she's like I started dancing a year ago and I'm doing great, like I just started doing this and was like how are these girls not successful in this industry? This is just common sense, you know, go chase the money, go where the money goes. And she was a notorious sugar baby. She had gotten into the sugar baby thing because of the strip club and in developing our friendship, at some point she had even confided in me and told me I can't have sex for pleasure anymore. She's like every time I go to have sex with someone I feel like I'm wasting my time. I could be doing this for some money. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:25:29

You know, and the thing was that was interesting was she carried herself like she was hot shit. She was beautiful, gorgeous girl, nice body, like was making money putting herself through school with it own apartment 21 years old I think and it eventually again turned into she can't have sex for pleasure, very self obsessed because her looks were her entire income, yeah, her body, what she could do, entire income. And she had gotten to a point where she told me that like it's not sustainable.

Speaker 3: 1:26:09

Yeah Well, she carried herself like she was better than everyone and everyone was below her and whatever. But then she'd get drunk and tell me that she wakes up in the middle of the night screaming and sweating and has recurring nightmares, at least like almost every night.

Speaker 1: 1:26:25

So all that glitters is in gold, right.

Speaker 3: 1:26:27

Yeah, and she never said that it was nightmares about what she did for work or anything like that. It was just nightmares. And I'm like, well, look at how you live. Yeah, you know, and it's. But social media is a fickle little thing too, because you look at our social media and you're like, wow, she travels to all these countries, she got her body done, she got this done, she drives this nice car now and still carries herself like she's better than everyone. But I know that she wakes up in the middle of the night screaming.

Speaker 1: 1:26:58

Yeah, you know You're getting everyone's highlight reel. Yeah, and social media that's like their commercial, yeah, you know. So at the end of that, having experienced that and having gone through it, is it something that I mean would you you wouldn't recommend? Maybe necessarily, but you don't. Maybe you don't regret it, but you wouldn't do it again. Glad you're not doing it anymore.

Speaker 3: 1:27:31

I try not to regret anything in my life. Okay.

Speaker 3: 1:27:34

I have a very, very short list of genuine regrets. You know there's a list of what, ifs and scenarios, but I think that I learned a lot at a very young age Again, graduated high school and got out and have been pretty successful in. Being out, led me to a lot of great things, like my relationship, yeah, and I learned a lot. Like no, I didn't go to college, but at that age and I still sort of believe this I was leaps and bounds ahead of my peers, like mentally, because I knew what the real world looked like. I knew people well, I knew how to network myself, I knew you know real life skills and lessons that you don't get sheltering yourself from experiences like that.

Speaker 1: 1:28:24

Yeah, I mean there's definitely something to be said about that.

Speaker 3: 1:28:29

That being said, recommending it to other people, I would recommend it very few people. Yeah. Like. I've recommended it to my friends who get online and look for sugar daddies and things like that. I'm like girl, just go to the club, you don't have to do this, you know, you don't have to sleep with these old guys. Just go get on stage and you'll get just as much money and they don't have to touch you. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:28:52

You know, I recommend it to people who pretty much are already in the realm of sex work you know, Even with the only fans thing, like I recommend that over the only fans, only fans. Everybody knows that you do that. Yeah. Your family knows. This is totally anonymous, pretty much, yeah, you know. Hmm.

Speaker 1: 1:29:18

So I mean, what would you say is the I don't know kind of number one thing you learn, like, what are your, what's your like? Final thought on, like I guess working in a club like that or doing that or the.

Speaker 3: 1:29:37

On the brighter side. I learned a lot about how time is money. You are valuable. If you think that you are not, you are. You know. If you don't think that you're beautiful, you are. I've seen like I've talked to so many girls oh, I wish I could do that, but I don't have the body for it, I don't have the face for it. I'm like I've seen girls half of what you are. Yeah, be great at it. You know. It really was an extreme self-esteem boost. It really taught me a lot about what I deserve.

Speaker 1: 1:30:13

Well, I think that goes back to what you said in the beginning, like it was diverse, and you know, there's a, there's a flavor for everybody, and I think that's that's interesting. Like you're, you're not somebodies, but you're somebodies. You're not everybody's, but you're this, you know, and that's. I think that's that's something I could see being valuable in learning through that experience.

Speaker 3: 1:30:40

Yeah, yeah For sure. And then, on the on the darker side of what I had experienced, I had definitely and this is one of the little regret things doing this does again warp your brain. I matured very quickly. Like by the time I was 21, I wasn't acting a fool anymore because I'd spent plenty of time doing that already. Yeah, and even before I turned 20, I was pretty much chilled out. Yeah, I forget where I was going with this. I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1: 1:31:21

On the dark side, like learning your experience.

Speaker 3: 1:31:25

Oh I, my behavior, you know the behavior of that in the club is very different than how most women act in public. But when that becomes your job and becomes what you deem as what people want to see and want to see, you act. You go out in public and you kind of act differently than you probably should and it took me some time to stop acting like that you know and start acting like a normal person.

Speaker 1: 1:31:53

Like what's a? Just an example.

Speaker 3: 1:31:58

I would go to parties and like get practically naked and like dance Cause. I thought that's like I'm super drunk also and probably doing a little bit of extra. You know. So I'm not in the right headspace, but you know, I've just let way too loose because it had warped my perception of normal. Normal, yeah, I'm like this is what the people give the people, what they want. You know, like that's, that's how I worked, you know. So I'd go out in public, get messed up and you know I was sober in the club, I was under 21. They don't have a respectable establishment, won't let people under 21 drink at their bar, you know. But yeah, that was.

Speaker 3: 1:32:42

It definitely impacted me in a negative way and that was my reputation and things like that. Also, just the general embarrassment. You know how I acted. My family knows. You know I still have a family member hold it against me, even though it's been a couple of years and I've totally made a 180 on my life and not been that person for a very long time. Yeah, he is my brother. He still doesn't like he's cool with me, but it's it's. He's always gonna hold it over my head forever. My parents have let it go. They don't talk about it, they don't bring it up. They you know, parents. Love is supposed to be unconditional.

Speaker 1: 1:33:25

My brother's kind of an asshole though no, it's tough, yeah, that's it.

Speaker 3: 1:33:29

It was embarrassing for him. It's an immature feeling, but yeah, it was embarrassing for him. You know there's a I.

Speaker 1: 1:33:37

I again you get, you get fucked with as a guy, like a sister.

Speaker 3: 1:33:41

Yeah, oh no. When COVID started, I tried to do, you know, some work online and that led to his friends knowing and that's really what it, what it, what it was. But because he's like, I know that my best friend since my freshman year of high school has tried to pay you for photos of you. That's embarrassing, you know from my sibling standpoint.

Speaker 1: 1:34:02

Yeah, Well, that's like a guy thing Like the the. The funny guy thing, like the little inside guy joke, is you don't even let your guy friends know you have a sister unless you have to, cause as soon as they find out you do, they're like is she hot? Yeah, like, and it doesn't even matter, they're just going to fuck with you. It's like a fucking list thing. So with age and maturity that that does seem to go away. That's my advice. That's that's my experience.

Speaker 3: 1:34:37

I hope so. He's a pretty stubborn person, but again, it's been years and he's still it's. It's gotten kind of better, but he's always going to be like that yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:34:47

Well, thanks for coming on and sharing everything I mean it was. It was enlightening, it was interesting your good storyteller, so I appreciate that. Hope you had some fun talking about it and yeah, absolutely All right? Well, thank you, and thank you for tuning in and until next time, stay out of trouble. We'll see you in church. Don't forget like subscribe. A little bye.